


Minutes to Midnight

by Hodgeheg002



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, College AU, Drinking, Even more pining, M/M, More Pining, One Night Stands, Pining, Smoking, a little bit of a sick fic, a little bit of smut, discussions of mental health, really it’s just an exercise in self indulgence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:20:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29247177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hodgeheg002/pseuds/Hodgeheg002
Summary: Isak couldn’t remember, exactly, when it had started. As far as he was concerned, it just was.This was a lie.Isak didn’t know how, exactly, it had started. It just had, growing organically from nothing, appearing out of nowhere.This was also a lie.Isak had never been that great at lying, even to himself, no matter how much he tried to bury the truth.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 37
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

The university cafeteria was abnormally busy that first Friday of the new academic year, full of new students looking around with wide eyes as they tried to settle into their new surroundings. Returning students added their voices to the din as each person recounted their summer to each other and complained about their new timetables. All of the tables outside were taken as people tried to soak up as much of the early autumn sunshine as possible, although the tables inside weren’t any emptier, and Isak supposed he _should_ feel somewhat impressed by the table Mahdi had managed to snag for them. He had been guarding it for the past hour, but Isak couldn’t help but feel a little ambushed instead as Mahdi continued to try and convince him to go out with him, Jonas and Magnus on Saturday night, regardless of the fact that Mahdi already _knew_ that Isak was being forced into some hideous start of the year thing that Eskild was hosting back at the Kollectiv.

“Come _on_ , Isak, jesus, are you seriously going to sit there and tell me that you aren’t going to this party? The party on the _first_ weekend of the year?”

“I’m not interested,” Isak replied with a shrug, taking the last bite of his sandwich. Mahdi huffed, throwing himself back in his seat.

“Jonas, you talk to him, I can’t anymore. ‘I’m not interested’, what sort of bullshit _is_ that?”

“Alright Mahdi,” Jonas placated, eyebrows furrowing. “Back off. If Isak can’t handle two nights in a row, then he can’t handle it.”

It was almost comical, really, how quickly Isak perked up, chest puffing out as he rose to the bait of defending his partying honour. 

“What do you mean, ‘can’t handle it?’”

“Hey, if I’m wrong, then come out with us tonight, but either way, no pressure.”  
  


There was a beat of silence, before Isak scowled, shoving his water bottle roughly into his bag.

“Fuck you. Mahdi, text me what time I need to be at yours. You both owe me beer.” With that he pushed away from the table, swinging his backpack on to his shoulders as he stalked off to his lecture. A small, slow smile spread across Mahdi’s face.

“That, my friend, was masterful.”

Jonas just shrugged, finishing off his apple. “What can I say. I’ve known him a long time, I know how to speak Isak-ese.”

***

It was loud in the club, the bass heavy and deep enough to reverberate in Isak’s very _soul_ , let alone bones. It was already close to full, with what felt like the entirety of Oslo’s student population crowded into the space, spilling out from the raised dance floor onto the surrounding steps, thinning out slightly as they got further away from the platform until they concentrated again at the bar. 

It was enough to make Isak feel slightly claustrophobic, the pulsing lights that swung all over the room not helping. Isak trailed after the other three as they scanned the edges of the room looking for either a booth or for someone they knew who had a booth that they could join, the need to stake out a spot as their own overpowering any need to procure either more alcohol or a cigarette. Eventually they found a table in an awkward spot that was the furthest away from the bar, so close to the speakers that Isak wasn’t sure his eardrums would survive the night, and too close to the narrow corridor that led to the toilets. The sides of said corridor were already full of people either chatting and complaining or heavily kissing, wrapping themselves around each other in a bizarre tangle of limbs that looked as if they were trying to fuse themselves into one being.

Still, it was somewhere to sit and watch as the throngs in front of him swayed and undulated to the music like some sort of sweaty, grotesque sea creature. As soon as they claimed the table Magnus had his phone out, texting furiously. Jonas groaned.

“Mags, are you seriously texting Vilde right now?”

“What? I want to hook up tonight, I’m young and carefree, that’s what I’m supposed to do.”

“You’re desperate more like,” Mahdi laughed, and Isak snickered, turning back to the conversation. Magnus scowled.

“Fuck off, I have more game than Isak!”

“You wish,” Isak murmured, but Mahdi held up a hand.

“No, actually Isak, I think he might be right. When _was_ the last time you hooked up with someone?”

Isak was saved from answering by the arrival of Vilde, Eva and Chris, everyone shuffling around the booth to make room for them. Magnus beamed at Vilde, almost elbowing Jonas in the stomach in his attempt to make enough room for her to sit next to him, whilst Eva flung herself wildly down next to Isak, almost ending up in his lap. Isak managed to hold back a grimace with difficulty, gently nudging Eva back into an upright position and trying not to visibly brush off the glittery makeup that had been dislodged by her entrance and now dusted his tee shirt.

The conversation flowed around him, his friends near shouting at each other to be heard over the music, until Eva slammed her hands down on the table and stood up again, expression determined.

“Why are we sitting? We should be dancing! Isak, come dance with me!”

“Uh…”

“Come _on_!” She pulled on his arm, nearly yanking it out of the socket, and Isak was powerless to resist. Luckily Chris took pity on him and came with them and the three formed a loose circle, Isak bobbing awkwardly along to the music. He glanced back at the table a couple of the songs later, wondering if it would be rude to slope back over, but Mahdi and Jonas had vanished and Vilde and Magnus were busy becoming reacquainted with each other’s mouths. Deciding that he had spent quite enough of his time third wheeling Jonas and Eva the year before, Isak turned back and nodded towards the bar.

“I’m gonna grab a drink,” he said to Chris, who simply nodded and grabbed Eva’s hands, twirling her around before she could get buffeted away from them by the crowd.

It took several minutes for Isak to extract himself from the dancing people around him, and a considerable amount more to be served, the other club goers pressing up tightly against his back as everyone tried to get closer to the bar, as if that would make a difference as to how quickly they would be served. As soon as the bartender had finished with him and moved on to the next person Isak turned, clutching his vodka coke and determined to find somewhere with fewer people where he could have his drink and maybe a cigarette, if he was lucky enough to find Jonas and bum one off of him. 

Unfortunately luck was not on his side at that precise moment, or maybe fate had decided to take the wheel instead, because as soon as his back was to the bar there was a particularly violent surge forwards and a solid body slammed into Isak’s, causing him to tip his drink all over his tee shirt.

“Hey- oh shit, sorry about that,” a deep, smooth voice said, a hand reaching out instinctively to hold onto his elbow and stop him from stumbling over. “Are you okay?”

Isak looked up and the irritated response about how he was now down a drink and several kroner died before it could even formulate on his tongue. The man before him had the bluest eyes Isak had ever seen, wide and open in their earnestness to make sure that Isak was okay. His hair seemed almost ethereal in the way it was swept back, swooping up effortlessly in a manner that Isak could only dream to emulate with his own unruly curls and their tendency to frizz at the slightest hint of humidity.

One of his eyebrows raised and Isak tracked the movement for a moment before his brain finished rebooting itself and he remembered that he was supposed to be answering a question.

“Um… I’m fine,” he managed, his voice a little squeaky and he coughed to clear it. The man frowned.

“I spilt your drink, I’m sorry. Let me get you a new one?”

Isak shrugged and the man weaved his way to the front of the crowd, hand still on Isak’s elbow. It took remarkably less time for him to be served then it had for Isak, and soon the two of them were moving away to a quieter area of the club, the man finally releasing his physical grip on Isak.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to your friends…” the man trailed off, raising his eyebrows again, but this time Isak was able to cotton onto the question more easily.

“Isak.”  
  


“Isak,” the man repeated softly, reverently. “Well, Isak, I’ll let you get back to your night then.”

Neither of them moved, not that Isak thought he could. It felt like he was stuck on the spot, his limbs locked in place in front of the man that had bought him a drink. The song changed, and the man’s face split into a grin.

“Unless you want to dance with me?”

“You want me to dance with you to Gabrielle?” Isak asked, finally recognising the song. “I don’t even know your name.”

“There’s nothing wrong with Gabrielle!” he said, tone dripping with fake incredulity. “C’mon, dance with me.” He grabbed Isak’s hand again, pulling him through the tightly packed bodies around them to the centre of the dancefloor. He turned once they had managed to carve out enough space for the two of them, moving his hands to hold Isak’s hips. 

“Even. My name’s Even.”

The only thing that Isak could think about was how he suited his name, before instinct fully took over and he reached up to press his lips against Even’s.

It didn’t take long for their kisses to become hot and heavy, the two of them being shifted along the tide of dancing students until they made it to a dark corner of the club, lips fused together. Isak’s hands were threaded through Even’s hair, having finally given into the temptation of the soft strands, whilst Even’s were still tight on his hips as they pulled each other closer, grinding desperately against each other. Some distant part of Isak realised that somewhere, his friends were probably wondering where he had gone, but this part of Isak was so far removed from where the rest of his focus was that it was easily silenced by the insistence of Even’s lips on his. At some point Even’s mouth moved away from his, working his way along Isak’s jaw and towards his neck. Isak’s eyes fluttered shut at the sensation, the desire that was already flooding through him flaring, and he opened them again long enough to whisper in Even’s ear.

_“Want to come back to mine?”_

***

They didn’t speak when they got back to the Kollectiv, mouths desperately seeking each other whilst their hands were busy tearing off clothes, Isak guiding them in a stumble to his room. Isak didn’t think, just felt, revelling in the experience of his and Even’s bodies sliding against each other. Soft moans filled Isak’s room as they moved together, winding each other tighter and tighter until they tipped over the peak, Isak shuddering under Even and gasping his name as he slipped into sated oblivion.

When Isak woke the next morning Even had already gone, not that Isak was surprised. He had hoped the few one night stands he’d had previously would be gone before he woke up the next day, wanting to avoid any awkward morning small talk. This time though, he couldn’t help but feel a little hollow as he sat up in the otherwise empty room, his clothing still strewn across the floor from where it had been carelessly dropped the night before. He turned back to the space beside him, and spied a torn piece of paper sitting on the spare pillow. He picked it up, unfurling the edges, and saw a phone drawn on the scrap of lined paper, a text message proclaiming to be from Even to Isak scrawled over the screen and a number at the top. 

Isak ran his fingers over it carefully once, twice, before scrambling across his bed ungracefully and fishing his phone out of his jeans pocket. Ignoring the messages from the group chat that seemed to be teasing him for his sudden disappearance the night before, he pulled up his messages and typed out a text to the number on the picture.

_To: Even_

_Hi, it’s Isak. Thanks for the note._

He stared at the message for a moment, biting his lip, then sending it before he could change his mind.

The reply came later, after Isak had showered, downed a mug of coffee and settled one the sofa feeling vaguely more human like with a bowl of cereal. Linn was stretched out across the other sofa, the two of them watching comedy reruns on the tv, the epitome of lazy Sunday afternoons.

_From: Even_

_Hi Isak. You’re welcome 😊_

***

If Isak thought that they would then spend all their time texting, he was sorely mistaken. There were a few more texts volleyed back and forth between them, but these were sent sporadically and soon dried up. Isak didn’t mind, honestly; he shouldn’t assign too much hope or aspiration to a one night stand. He wasn’t looking for a relationship, he didn’t have _time_ for one, not between his classes and study sessions with Sana and work. His life was already busy and complicated, he didn’t need to add carving out time to coax a one night stand into a relationship to the mix.

It was fine.

And the truth was, it _was_ fine. It was Wednesday before Isak saw Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus again, the timetable gods finally allowing their schedules to align enough that they had lunchtime together. Wednesday lunch brought with it a round of teasing, his friends poking fun at the way he’d disappeared so suddenly on Saturday night, causing Isak to smirk across the table and point out that just because he wasn’t as obnoxious as Magnus was with Vilde in public that didn’t mean he didn’t have game.

“That’s not what I heard,” Jonas snorted. “Chris told me that she saw you and a mystery man getting _very_ well acquainted on the dancefloor.”

The table erupted into hoots of laughter and Isak ducked his head, cheeks flushing red.

“Oh I heard about him!” Magnus said excitedly, leaning forwards across the table. “When are you seeing him again?”

Isak stared at Magnus blankly, mouth gaping. “What?”

“When are you seeing him again?” Magnus repeated, and Isak looked to Mahdi and Jonas for support. He received none, solely a raised brow from Mahdi.

“I’m not… Magnus, I’m _pretty_ sure it was a one time thing.”

“You’re not going to see him again?”

“What? _No_ , Magnus, it was just a hookup, fucks sake.” Isak tore a bite off his sandwich, suddenly irrationally and inexplicably angry at the whole situation.

“Oh,” Magnus said, voice small. The silence that followed it stretched almost long enough to become awkward, before Magnus spoke again. “You just seemed really happy the past couple of days, that’s all.”

Isak swallowed heavily. “Yeah, well. The sex was good,” he said with a shrug. The tension over the table broke and Jonas finally jumped in to complain about one of his lecturers. Isak shrank back into his chair, trying to ignore the unsettled churning in his stomach.

***

The next two weeks sped past, a whirlwind of classes and lab work as everyone settled into the new academic year. Isak had always found the first couple of weeks of the year difficult to adjust to, trying to force himself out of the lazy routines he had adopted over the summer and back into the mindset needed for studying, but by the third week he was pretty sure he had cracked it, bouncing from class to lunch to study group to the supermarket he worked in and back again. He missed the parties from the second week, having been given the two evening shifts on the Friday and Saturday, so it wasn’t until the end of the third week that he saw Even again.

It was Jonas who dragged them out this time, the party at the house of some first year he had met whilst working the Introductory Week for new students. It was just Jonas, Magnus and Isak this week, Mahdi claiming previous obligations to the football team or a flat meeting or something- Isak didn’t really know _what_ , Jonas had been incredibly vague, but he had his suspicions that it was only supposed to be the two of them anyway and that Isak was meant to be serving as a wingman. Isak wasn’t sure _why_ , exactly, Jonas had chosen him given that his previous track record at being wingman for his friends had proven him to be lacklustre at best, but at least if Jonas was successful he would at least have Magnus to hang out with.

The party promised to be one of those borderline ragers, the pavement outside almost vibrating from the music that was pounding from one of the apartments above. They were let in with relative ease, sucked into the vortex of partying students that were stuffed inside, the flat so full it seemed to be bursting at the seams, people already spilling out of the door and across the landing and stairwell. 

“Jonas! You came!” The voice was bright and high, and it grated in Isak’s ears. The three of them turned to see someone approaching them, her eyes bright and smile wide. Jonas stood a little straighter, lopsided grin in place.

“Hi, Emma. Yeah, I hope you don’t mind, I brought my friends along. This is Isak and Magnus,” Jonas said, gesturing to each of them. Isak gave a small wave, Magnus his blinding smile and handshake. “Guys, this is Emma.”

“Hi,” Emma greeted, taking Magnus’ hand briefly before returning her attention to Jonas. “Want to come dance?”

“Sure.” Emma laced her hand in his, dragging him towards what was presumably the main living area if the sofas that had been pushed back to the sides was any indication, immediately disappearing into the masses.

“Wow,” Magnus breathed, a little stunned. “She looks like Natalie Portman.”

“I guess,” Isak mumbled, focused more on fumbling through his carrier bag for a beer. He pulled two out and knocked one against Magnus’ elbow, who took it, still a little dazed. 

The two of them shuffled through the flat until they found the kitchen, which was apparently long enough for Magnus to come out of his stupor, because his expression changed as Isak was trying to make room for their beers in the already overcrowded fridge. He was pulling out a large bottle of vodka from one of the shelves and setting it on a countertop in order to shove his entire bag into the space that had been created when Magnus’ face pulled into a frown.

“I thought Jonas was with Eva? Or wanted to be anyway.”

Isak sighed, closing the door to the fridge and taking a sip of his drink. “They broke up, right at the start of the summer.”

“Yeah, but I thought Jonas wanted her back?”

“Maybe? Magnus, I don’t keep constant tabs on the state of their relationship. Maybe Jonas is trying to move on or something.”

“Maybe.” Magnus was silent for a moment, contemplating, and Isak revelled in the lull of conversation as they headed out of the tiny kitchen and back into the living room. “You know, I heard that Eva is with Chris now, you know, that post grad.”

Isak groaned, tipping his head back. “You know, you and Vilde are perfect for each other.”

“We are?”

“Yep. You both gossip about other people _incessantly_.”

“Huh. I do really like her.”

“Yup,” Isak said, only half paying attention, because at that moment he’d caught sight of someone with bright blue eyes and silky hair that Isak knew was as soft as it looked.

“I really want to ask her to be my girlfriend,” Magnus admitted, oblivious to Isak’s distractedness.

“You should.”

“Really? How?”

“Just go for it. She likes you too, just ask her. Look, there she is, just ask her now.” 

He nodded towards the door where, sure enough, Vilde had just walked in with the rest of the girls, the five of them shedding coats and jackets, hanging them on the overflowing hooks by the door rather than tossing them onto the growing heap the way Isak, Magnus and Jonas had done earlier. Magnus lit up, but hesitated.

“You sure?”

“Yes, Magnus, _go_.”

“You’ll be alright?”

“Magnus, I’ll ask for you if you don’t go now.”

“Okay okay!” Magnus raised his hands, beer sloshing against the inside of the can, before he took a deep breath and made his way over to Vilde. As soon as he was gone Isak spun on his heel, weaving through the crowd to search out Even.

***

Isak finally found him huddled on the tiny balcony, the tip of the cigarette that was dangling from his fingers glowing in the dark. He turned when he heard Isak clambering out, eyebrows rising in surprise and breaking into an easy smile. 

“Hey, Isak. How’re you? Enjoying the party?”

“It’s alright, I guess. My friend Jonas wanted to come,” he said by way of explanation, as if Even was questioning his right to be there. Even hummed, patting his pockets for a moment before pulling out his packet of cigarettes and offering one to Isak. He took it and Even leant forward to light it, cupping the flame against the non existent wind. They were bent close together, so close that Isak could smell the subtle cologne that Even wore, could see the slight stubble on his cheeks. Then, nicotine was flooding his system and Even moved back, the moment broken.

“Thanks,” Isak muttered, blowing out a thin stream of smoke. 

“No problem.” 

The two of them stood there, silently smoking and watching the still streets below, the party that continued behind them muted by their small, exclusive bubble, fading into the background. Isak couldn’t help but sneak looks at Even every so often, at the way his forearms were draped over the balcony railing, the way a stubborn strand of hair had fallen into his eyes. He wasn’t sure what he was doing out there, why he had been so keen to hunt Even down at the party, but Even hadn’t made any move to pull away or given any indication that Isak’s presence wasn’t welcome; he had, in fact, invited him to stay out here with him, for whatever reason.

Isak was overthinking the situation, he knew he was, but that knowledge didn’t prepare him for the moment that Even started speaking again, stubbing out the end of his cigarette on the railing and flicking the butt over the edge.

“So what made you come out here then? Not a fan of the music?”

“Eh, it’s not really my style,” Isak replied, trying to stay nonchalant despite his heart hammering beneath his rib cage.

“No?” Even asked, eyes twinkling. “What is then?”

“I like nineties hip hop, like NWA and stuff.”

“Oh? You heard of Nas?”

“Nas?” Isak clarified, repeating the name a few more times, rolling it around on his tongue. “Sure, listen to them all the time.”

“...you’d never heard of them until now had you?” Even asked, laughing, and Isak shrugged helplessly. 

“I’m sure they’re great though.”

“Should listen to Illmatic,” Even suggested, still chuckling and Isak stored the name away for later, if there was a later.

“What brought you out here then?” 

Even sighed, looking back out over the city again before refocusing on Isak. “Wasn’t really feeling it. My friend also wanted to come, and there wasn’t really anything else to do tonight.”

“Oh. What-“

“Isak, can I kiss you?” Even interrupted. Isak was taken aback, momentarily startled, before he dropped the end of his own cigarette in an abandoned mug that was half-filled with rainwater, nodding jerkily. Even stepped forwards, closing the small gap between them, his hands reaching up to either side of Isak’s face to tilt it upwards and pressing their lips gently together.

The kiss was hesitant and gentle, so unlike the fire from last time, but it still seemed to sear itself into Isak’s mind and soul, carving out a place for itself. Isak pressed into it, hands resting lightly on Even’s elbows as their lips slid and caught against each other. It didn’t take long for them to part again, the two of them simply standing there with their foreheads leaning against each other, breathing heavy. Even licked his lips, still cradling Isak’s face, eyes closed.

“Did… come with me?” He asked, as careful as the kiss, the moment spun around them like sugar and liable to crack at any moment if confronted with too much pressure.

“Of course,” Isak breathed. Neither of them moved for a heartbeat longer, simply soaking in the presence of each other, before Even’s hand moved and reached for Isak’s hand, bringing it up to kiss the back of his knuckles. 

“Follow me.”

He pulled Isak back into the flat, through the partygoers who were by now so inconsequential to Isak that he had almost forgotten that they even existed, and towards the front door. Even swooped down, scooping up a worn denim jacket and shrugging into it before looking back up to Isak.

“Did you have a jacket?”

“Yeah, it’s- there.” Even pulled the one that Isak pointed to, standing up in an impressively fluid move given his height and spinning round to face Isak. 

“Here-“ he handed it over to Isak and grabbed his hand again as soon as Isak had put the clothing on, leading him out of the flat, down the stairs and into the street, an intensity to his movements that Isak couldn’t help but get swept up into.

***

This time, they ended up at Even’s apartment, the flat quiet and still. The lights were off and Isak didn’t have a chance to examine the room too much before he was taken into what must be Even’s room. Here, his hand was finally dropped, Even flitting around the room to switch on the lamp by his bed and swathing the room in a soft, golden glow. The room was light, all white curtains and bed sheets, a desk spilling over with sheets of paper and a camera perched on top like some kind of extremely expensive paperweight. One wall was covered in quotes and drawings that matched the drawing Even had left for Isak the first time they had slept together. 

In the middle of it all stood Even, watching Isak carefully as he took in the surroundings.

“I like your drawings,” Isak said, and Even huffed in an almost laugh, surprised.

“Thanks. They’re- well- thanks,” he finished, stepping closer to Isak again. Isak matched him, until they were closer than when they were standing on the balcony, and this time it was Isak who reached up to kiss Even, one arm coming around the back of his neck and sliding his fingers into Even’s hair whilst the other wrapped around his waist to pull him even closer. 

Even moaned, so quietly and softly that Isak nearly missed it, and Isak took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Even’s mouth. Isak could taste cigarettes and the sweet taste of rum that Even must have been drinking earlier, but the taste was barely noticeable compared to the sparks that were shooting through Isak.

It was more careful, this time, less frantic, each item of clothing removed with more intensity compared to the frenetic stripping of last time when they had raced to get each other naked. There wasn’t any less heat, this time round, but Even was almost tender in the way he pulled off Isak’s shirt, the way he unbuttoned Isak’s jeans. Isak was equally reverential, hands sliding underneath Even’s top, feeling the plains of his chest and his back before dipping lower to his waist whilst all the while they kissed, always kissing, unknowingly trading little pieces of themselves with their mouths.

It continued as Even laid Isak down on his bed, running his hands down Isak’s thighs and Isak let Even open him up, giving as much of himself as Even was willing to take. The kiss only broke when Even finally, _finally_ , slid inside him, Isak’s mouth dropping open too far instead, his breath hitching. The millions of thoughts that normally filled Isak’s head and clamoured for attention were finally silenced, his entire mind and being focused solely on _Even_ , on the way he seemed to be trying to reach deeper and deeper into Isak, striving for Isak’s core of existence. Isak let him, urged him on by spreading his legs further, moving his hips upwards to meet Even’s, baring himself completely to this person who he had only met twice.

The intensity was relentless, climbing higher and higher until finally it crescendoed and Isak cried out, arching his back and tipping his head back. Even’s hips stuttered against him, moving once, twice, three times more before he too reached his peak and was crashing down on top of Isak, pressing his face into the crook of Isak’s neck.

The two of them lay there as they caught their breath, chests heaving, until Even was pulling out and away from Isak, stumbling off the bed. Isak was only barely aware as Even cleaned him up, brushing a hesitant kiss to his temple, before slipping into sleep.

The next morning, Isak woke up alone again to another note on the pillow, but this time it wasn’t a drawing, just a scribbled note in looping handwriting.

_Sorry, I had to do something. My flatmate went home for the weekend, but help yourself to food. My shelves in the fridge are the top two._

Isak slipped out of the bed, pulling on his clothes, and left the flat without staying for breakfast.

***

It was the last day of term, and Isak couldn’t wait for the holidays to start if only because it meant that he could finally, _finally_ start catching up on his sleep debt. His sleeping habits had never been what one could consider particularly healthy, but somehow Even had managed to worm his way into Isak’s mind. Thoughts of him, memories of their time together, had a tendency of creeping up in the middle of the night when Isak should really be asleep, keeping him awake for hours longer as thoughts chased themselves round and round in his mind.

Isak couldn’t remember, exactly, when it had started. As far as he was concerned, it just _was_.

This was a lie.

Isak didn’t know how, exactly, it had started. It just _had_ , growing organically from nothing, appearing out of nowhere.

This was also a lie.

Isak had never been that great at lying, even to himself, no matter how much he tried to bury the truth.

And the truth was, despite the casual nature of whatever he and Even had, contained solely to crashing together at parties or, once or twice, a late night phone call when the sleeplessness and loneliness had got a little bit _too_ much, Isak had managed to develop feelings for Even. He thought he had been careful, had managed to navigate the line between relationship and person he slept with when he was drunk or lonely or both, but deep down he knew that he had failed, that he wanted more than what they currently had even if he wasn’t quite ready to voice those thoughts out loud.

It wouldn’t be the first time that he had been in a relationship, there had been his brief fumblings with girls back in school when he was trying to convince everyone he was straight, and then later he gained his first boyfriend in Jakob, which had lasted from the Easter of his last year at school to the Christmas of his first year at university before it had fizzled away, Isak overwhelmed by issues with his parents and Jakob losing interest in someone who wasn’t ‘emotionally interested’, whatever that had meant.

Isak thought he might have an idea now.

None of those times had ever felt like this, though. Admittedly, those fumblings with girls would never have worked, could barely be considered a relationship, but even with Jakob there had never been anything like this. Isak had desperately tried to install some mental boundaries, to prevent himself from thinking constantly about Even, but each time they saw each other it got harder and harder.

Every time they met, Isak found out a little more about Even. He found out that he was studying film, that he had dreams of being a director someday but for now he was just making YouTube videos with his friends. He learnt that his favourite movie was Romeo and Juliet, that his go to food when high was cheese toasties. That he preferred tea over coffee, and his favourite flavour was green.

All of these things were small snippets of information that Isak had picked up over the course of that first semester, carefully curating and storing them away for a future, unknown reason. It probably wasn’t best to open _that_ particular can of worms, not when their- thing- was as limited as it was. Whatever. It was fine. Their rela- _thing_ \- was purely physical and Isak was fine with that, honestly, truly, despite Eskild’s knowing looks every time Isak slunk out of his room the day after Even stayed over.

“You seem happy,” he had said the morning of the last day of term, smirking over one of his hideous smoothies and lounging against the kitchen counters in his silk robe despite the fact that it was now December and Isak was still shivering despite wearing his thickest, warmest hoodie. “Did your booty-call come visiting again last night?”

“My- what? Even’s not- he’s- he’s _not_ my ‘booty-call’, what the _hell_ , Eskild?” Isak managed to splutter out, choking on the mouthful of coffee he had just taken. 

“Sure seems like that way to me,” Eskild shrugged, taking another sip.

“He isn’t,” Isak reiterated. Eskild nodded, and Isak deflated, slumping down in his chair. “I don’t- we just hook up.”

“Okay,” Eskild said slowly, moving across the kitchen and sitting opposite Isak. “And?”

“‘And’ what? We sleep together, that’s all there is to it.”

“But is that _all_ you want from it? If you do then that’s fine, Isak, plenty of people have arrangements like that, but if you don’t then I think you need to admit it now rather than let it… fester.”  
  


“Fester?” Isak asked, fiddling with the handle of his coffee mug. 

“Yes. The longer you go without admitting it, then the more it will build up. I know you, Isak, you’ll let this eat away at you until it becomes this huge thing that could be easily solved if you just _talked_ to this guy in the first place.” 

“But what if it goes wrong? What if he wanted to keep it as it is and I tell him I want more and then I lose him completely?” Isak’s breath hitched at the end and he had to lay his hands flat on the table to stop the trembling from being noticeable. Now that he had finally voiced his fears and his desires, the situation between him and Even seemed even more precarious, too dependent on fragile states. Eskild clicked his tongue sympathetically.

“Oh buddy, you’ve got it bad. Just talk to him, Isak. Sure, it could go wrong, but it could also go very, _very_ right. Surely that’s worth the risk?”

“I guess,” Isak mumbled, lifting one of his hands again and taking a shaky mouthful of coffee. 

“I’m sure it’ll go better than you think. If he really wasn’t interested, then you guys wouldn’t have spent this entire term sleeping together. And hey, if it does go wrong, I promise to take you out and get you really _really_ drunk.”  
  


“I’ll hold you to that,” Isak said, managing a small, painful smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“You won’t need to. Trust me, Isak, it’ll work out.”

***

Eskild turned out to be wrong. In the most spectacular fashion.

***

Sana was an unlikely best bud, considering the animosity between the two of them when they had first sat together in the beginning of their second year at Nissen, but Isak couldn’t honestly imagine his life without her in it now. She had this way of knowing exactly what was on Isak’s mind, of somehow always offering the solution to whatever problem Isak was facing whether it was coming out to his mum or working out which party Even was going to that New Year’s Eve.

Isak hadn’t realised that Sana knew him, that her brother was friends with both Even and his roommate Mikael who Isak had run into once as he bypassed the kitchen to the door one morning. Mikael had been polite enough, smiling and introducing himself, but Isak was acutely aware of the visible bruise poking up from his collarbone that Even had left the night before and was also running late for his first lecture of the day, and hadn’t been able to offer more than a blush and a garbled ‘hi’ in return before hurrying out the door.

Had Isak known that Sana knew Even then he probably would have pressed her for more information earlier, but no matter. Sana had apparently finally had enough of Isak’s lack of attention during their last library session of the term as he tried to work out which, if any, party Even would go to before the end of term.

“For crying out loud, Isak, I will hold a New Year’s Eve party at Eva and Vilde’s and invite him to that, now will you please _focus_ ?” She had hissed next to him, glaring at the Facebook page Isak hadn’t even tried to hide, open on Mikael’s page because of _course_ Even didn’t have his own, that would be far too convenient for Isak’s social media stalking.

“You know Even?” Isak had asked, incredulous, and Sana had simply rolled her eyes.

“That,” she said, tapping her finger on the screen and pointing to one of the boys in a group shot of Mikael, Even and a few others Isak had never met, “is my brother. Yes, I know Even. Now shut up and study chemistry or I’ll casually forget to mention to Elias and the others where the party is.”

Isak had mimed zipping his lips and returned to his textbook, knocking his shoulder against Sana’s to convey his thanks. She acknowledged it with a tiny smile.

The Christmas break had gone by simultaneously too fast and too slow, Isak unable to really enjoy it- not that he ever really did, given the emphasis on family time the holiday usually brought- due to the knot of anxiety that had taken up residence in his stomach like the most unwelcome Christmas gift. Eventually, and yet all too soon, it was New Year’s Eve and as promised Sana, Eva and Vilde had thrown a party that was only partly full of people Isak recognised. He struggled to relax that evening, a small dent forming in his beer can from where he was clutching it tightly. It was warm by then, Isak having stuck with the same drink that he had opened once he had arrived, his stomach churning too much with nerves to actually drink it. 

The clock was ticking closer and closer to midnight, and whilst Isak hadn’t exactly assigned a specific timeline to how he wanted the events of the evening to unfold, he had a vague notion that perhaps if he confessed his feelings to Even just before midnight, then the New Year could be welcomed in with an actual kiss with someone he was interested in. 

Except now there were only fifteen minutes left and Even still hadn’t arrived.

He was sat opposite the door, ignoring whatever it was that Jonas was telling him, Magnus and Vilde, staring at the entrance so he wouldn’t miss Even entering, if he ever did.

At ten minutes before midnight Isak’s stomach lurched painfully as the door opened once more, his heart pounding. He couldn’t hear the party around him any more, because Even was standing in the doorway looking unfairly attractive with his swooping hair and smart shirt that would have looked out of place anywhere else, but somehow Even was able to pull it off with the top buttons undone and the black jeans it was paired with. Isak’s mouth went dry and he took a swig of his drink before getting up abruptly. No one seemed to notice his distraction though because everyone else had started to stand up as well, the minutes to midnight ticking down rapidly.

At five minutes to, Even looked back over his shoulder, having not seen Isak who was slowly shuffling over to Even, his mind a whirlwind. Even’s face cracked into a smile and suddenly he was joined by someone else, someone with short blonde hair and kind eyes, one of her hands weaving into Even’s.

Isak froze.

“Happy New Year!”

The cry reverberated around him, accompanied by chairs and whoops, as fireworks cracked through the sky, but Isak couldn’t see or hear any of it. All of his attention was on the scene in front of him.

All he could see was Even kissing the girl he had come with, in the last moments of the year.

All he could think about was the plans he had made that were now shattered at his feet, and how the person Even should have been kissing at midnight was him.

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

When Isak woke up later on New Year’s Day, he was somewhat surprised by the fact that he was, somehow, in his bed. His head was splitting and he felt more than faintly nauseous, but when he stretched his hand out blindly to the side and felt across the top of his bedside table, he was thankful enough to find a bottle of water already sitting there, along with a pack of painkillers that almost certainly did not belong to him given the neatness of the packaging. He grabbed them, shuffling up against his headboard in order to take them, purposefully not thinking about anything until that was accomplished. He was sure that if he did his skull would crack open completely. 

His next mission was to find his phone and check his social media sites to make sure that there was nothing embarrassing or incriminating on there from the night before. He was generally safe from those types of antics, his personality far too insular even when drunk for that, but he could never be one hundred percent sure especially if Eva had been present. It was better to check now, whilst he was still hungover and therefore more forceful when demanding any video or photo to be removed from his friend’s stories and profiles.

When he _did_ manage to locate his phone- placed neatly on his disastrous mess of a desk, his jeans folded neatly on the chair which meant that Eskild was at least partly responsible for him getting to bed last night- he saw that there were already several messages from Jonas. The fact that Jonas was already awake was not surprising, given that it was already mid-afternoon and Isak had always slept in later than any of his friends. However, Joans rarely texted him directly after a party nowadays, with any discussion of a night out tending to go directly to the group chat, and it was with more than a little curiosity that Isak slid one of the messages open and settled back into his bed again to read them.

_From: Jonas_

_We were worried about you last night man, did something happen?_

_From: Jonas_

_Isak? You okay?_

_From: Jonas_

_Call me when you wake up._

Isak sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Calling Jonas was the _last_ thing he wanted to do, but Jonas had a tendency of dropping by if he felt that Isak was bottling something up, a guilty side effect from the last time Isak’s life had gone up in smoke.

Deciding that talking to Jonas could happen after breakfast and a shower, Isak opened up the drawer of his bedside table to put the newly acquired painkillers away when a small pile of scrap pieces of paper caught his eye. He didn’t need to look at them to know who they were from, but suddenly Jonas’ texts and the urgency with which they had been sent seemed to make sense. It certainly explained why his mouth tasted of tequila. 

He had gone to the party to talk to Even. The party had, in fact, been thrown as an excuse for him to talk to Even in the first place, to confess his feelings and hopefully have them reciprocated.

But that hadn’t happened. Instead, Even had arrived with someone else, had welcomed in the New Year with her instead, and Isak had been left to stand and watch, completely numb, until his limbs had unlocked long enough to stumble to the kitchen, grab the first bottle he had found, and retreat to the roof.

Isak didn’t remember much more of the rest of the night. He had vague flashes of Jonas’ concerned face, of Eva sighing in relief and throwing herself into his arms, causing them to nearly topple over sideways; okay, maybe getting blackout drunk on the roof wasn’t the smartest plan in the world, but it was quiet up there and he could sit and smoke and drink in peace. Maybe he should have just gone home instead, wallow in his feelings there.

Maybe he shouldn’t have gone to the party in the first place. 

Isak knew that he should probably get up, reassure Eskild that he was still alive, but the idea of leaving the safety of his room and having to socialise in either the living room or kitchen was too exhausting for words. He felt emotionally empty and wrung out, with the additional bonus of a hangover, and instead he sank further into his bed, pulling the duvet up to his chin. He looked down at his phone again, firing off a quick text to Jonas so that Jonas wouldn’t try and ring him, and promptly went back to sleep again.

_To: Jonas_

_I’m fine. Just hungover. Going to sleep it off. See you Wednesday._

***

Isak managed to spend the rest of days off between New Year’s Day and the start of the new term mostly in his room, venturing out only occasionally to snag the odd snack in the kitchen or to visit the bathroom. He didn’t want to see his other flatmates, couldn’t face Eskild’s probing questions or even Linn’s quiet company. He didn’t want any company, he wanted to be able to stay in his room forever until his bed swallowed him whole, but he knew that was not going to be possible. Instead, he buried himself in his work, reading ahead for the lectures that were soon to start up again and organising his notes. 

Sleep was starting to elude him again, keeping him awake until the early hours of the morning, taunting him with images of Even and the girl- Sonja, he found out, thank you Facebook- and Isak did anything he could think of to distract himself, even going as far as tidying his desk, finally putting textbooks away on the shelves in his room and filing away the pieces of paper that were piled on top.

Sana at least would be proud of his newfound diligence to his studies.

Unfortunately, the first Monday back Isak didn’t have a class until later, and whilst he had planned to head to the library early, thus avoiding running into Eskild, he overslept. Instead, when he turned the corner into the kitchen, Eskild was already there, nursing a cup of tea this time rather than one of his smoothies. He was also dressed, smart jumper and trousers, which meant that he was heading to work soon and Isak wouldn’t have to spend too long in the kitchen avoiding questions from him.

“He lives!” Eskild crowed, setting down his mug and pulling a second cup from the cupboard, switching on the kettle. “I didn’t think you’d ever come out of your room again. Linn was convinced you had been replaced by a ghost.”

“Just had some work to catch up on,” Isak mumbled, accepting the mug of coffee Eskild had made for him and resigning himself to a conversation he did not want to have.

“Mhm. And it couldn’t have had anything to do with the reason why you decided to become best friends with tequila on New Year’s?”

“No,” Isak replied defensively, feeling needled. Eskild raised an eyebrow.

“Isak, what happened? You’re upset about _something_ , you haven’t been that drunk since the time we first met. Did… did something happen with Even? Did he hurt you?” Eskild’s tone turned serious and soft, concern bleeding into his expression. Isak tried to suppress a wince at the mention of Even’s name; he wasn’t sure if he was entirely successful.

“Nothing happened. Nothing happened at all, and nothing _will_ happen because he has a girlfriend, so. Case closed. It’s over.” 

Isak took a shuddering breath and didn’t look at Eskild, couldn’t look at anything other than the mug in front of him, the disappointment and upset curdling unpleasantly inside of him.

“Isak-“ Eskild started, sympathy lacing his tone, but Isak interrupted him.

“ _No_ , Eskild, I tried, I was going to tell him that- that I wanted more, or whatever, but you were wrong and he didn’t, _doesn’t_ , want anything more, so that’s it, game over. I guess you don’t even owe me drinks either, I never actually got to speak to him anyway, so- so you’re off the hook, congratulations.” Isak stood up abruptly, pushing the coffee away.”

“Isak,” Eskild tried again, but Isak cut him off once more.

“I have to get to campus, I’m running late.”

It wasn’t true, technically he was still too early even if he was too late to get any actual studying done in the library before classes, but it was a handy excuse to escape the conversation. He knew that there would be more- he owed Eskild an apology for a start, for snapping at him in that way- but right then Isak couldn’t face it. Instead, he grabbed his backpack and jacket from his room, shoved on his boots, and left the flat before he could get dragged into another uncomfortable and unwanted conversation.

***

That morning with Eskild acted as a precursor to the rest of the week, Isak’s mood following him around and persisting like a dark cloud. Sana had greeted him at their first study session of the term with a guarded expression and a tight smile, and Isak had to bite back the accusations he wanted to make that Sana already knew about Sonja, that she should have warned him instead of letting him sit there that entire evening making a fool of himself. Instead, he had pulled out his textbook and opened it in silence and Sana had followed suit, occasionally looking up at him from her physiology book as if to check whether or not he wanted to talk.

Isak didn’t, but the studying did its job of providing a distraction, and that was all Isak really needed anyway.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t escape the Wednesday group lunch, instead finding himself stuck at a too small table inside the cafeteria whilst rain hammered loudly on the roof above them. He didn’t want to be there, didn’t want to be on campus at all, already done with the week despite only being halfway through, but Jonas’ texts were still coming through to remind him that his friends had been concerned and so here he was, settling down in a wonky chair and picking at the top of his cheese roll rather than actually eating it.

“Dude, what’s up? You seem really… off, at the moment.”

Isak looked up at Jonas, his eyebrows pulled together in a frown, and Isak just shrugged. It wasn’t as if Jonas could actually help or do anything about the situation and Isak wasn’t about to offload everything that was on his mind in the middle of a busy cafeteria.

Unfortunately, Magnus hadn’t caught the memo about things Isak didn’t want to talk about.

“Hey, Isak, isn’t that Even? Should we call him over?”

Isak looked up from the roll that he was steadily pulling apart into crumbs, following Magnus’ excited gaze. His heart plummeted; sure enough, Even had just entered the cafeteria area, easily distinguishable by his hair and height. Isak watched, his mouth going dry, as Even moved around the same food stands, pausing every so often to look at his phone before returning his attention to the food on offer in front of him.

Next to Isak, Magnus was still bouncing in his seat, head swivelling between Isak and Even, but Isak ignored him. Just as Even reached the head of the queue he was joined by Sonja, materialising seemingly out of nowhere, and any appetite Isak may have managed to scrounge up, however limited, during the lunch period fled. Instead it was replaced by nausea and Isak sighed, returning his attention back to the destroyed sandwich.

“Isak? Who’s that?” Magnus asked.

“Who’s who?”

“The girl, with Even. He um… she kissed him?”

Isak looked up again, glancing over at Sonja and Even quickly before going back to his friends. He didn’t want to focus on the way Sonja’s arm had snaked possessively around Even’s waist, the way that Even had mirrored it with an arm slung around her shoulders. He thought that there was a stiffness to Even’s posture, but Isak chalked that up to wishful thinking on his part.

“That’s his girlfriend,” Isak said, voice quiet. He was acutely aware of how his friends were now staring at him, but he couldn’t match any of those looks, moving on to fidget with the label on his water bottle instead.

“Isak? When did… is this what happened at the party?” Jonas asked gently, as quiet as Isak was. Isak’s jaw clenched and he just nodded, unable to speak.

“How… how long has he had a girlfriend for?” Magnus asked, frowning over at Isak. Isak shrugged; he had thought of that question earlier, but had to push it out of his mind as quickly as it had arrived. If Even had been using Isak to cheat on Sonja, then he didn’t think he would be able to take it. Better to just not think about it, then entertain _that_ possibility.

“Are you-“

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Isak said, cutting across Jonas’ next question. “It happened, whatever, he’s in a relationship so I guess our… _arrangement_ is over. That’s all there is to it and I’m not going to talk about it anymore.”

The borderline interrogation stuttered to a stop and Isak took a deep breath, revelling in the silence and glaring at his uneaten lunch, before he shoved it into his backpack. “I have to go,” he muttered, standing up abruptly and hurrying out of the hall, ignoring the calls from his friends.

In his haste, he missed Even watching him from across the cafeteria.

***

Isak felt on edge and too taut for the rest of the week, secluding himself to the edges of the friendship group to avoid an outburst. It was with great relief he trudged home that Friday, even if he was being coerced into going to a party later on. Mahdi and Magnus had decided that the moping over someone he had never even been a boyfriend to had been going on long enough and Jonas had been too late to the group chat to stop it.

Isak _really_ didn’t want to go out that night- he was more than content to stay holed up in his room for the entire weekend, truth be told- but plans had been set and so not only was Isak being dragged out against his will, but his apartment had been chosen as the sacrificial lamb for the pregame.

Maybe he could get drunk enough at home that he would have to stay behind. The idea had merit, even if he probably shouldn’t look to alcohol to solve all of his problems. The more he thought about it, however, the less appealing it became as he realised that it would be brought up at least once a day from now to infinity and really, he wasn’t one to willingly give away ammunition for relentless teasing even if it would get him out of the party.

Isak sighed, resigning himself to his fate, and swung into the shop by his apartment to pick up the beers and snacks that were now apparently needed. 

***

The atmosphere was tense in Isak's kitchen, although Isak was sure that most of that was down to his own introspection and it was unlikely that the others even noticed. Isak didn’t want to drag their mood down, or even draw attention to himself, happy to tuck himself away in the corner of the room and nurse his drink in silence. His friends seemed happy enough to carry on the conversation without him, although when it came time to actually head out Isak had once again tried to protest.

It hadn’t worked, and he followed moodily behind his friends, hands shoved deep into his pockets.

Isak lost his friends almost immediately when they entered the room, the three of them scattering into the crowd as soon as they arrived. Isak shuffled around the edges of the room, avoiding anyone that looked like they may try to suck him into a conversation. By his third lap he could feel himself getting agitated and he ducked into the kitchen, poking around the bottles of other people’s liquor until he found one he knew he liked, pouring himself a generous measure into one of the plastic cups lying out on the side and topping it up with someone else’s mixer. He supposed he should maybe feel bad for stealing someone else’s alcohol, but Magnus had his and Magnus had vanished, so this would have to do.

As he turned to leave the room he found himself face to face with Jakob, looking as surprised as Isak felt. After they had split up it had been rare for them to run into each other, given that their subjects meant that they had classes at opposite ends of the main campus and their friendship groups had never really gelled.

“Isak… hi, how are you?” Jakob asked nervously, and Isak took a sip of his drink to try and combat his sudden dry mouth, trying not to wince at the strength.

“Yeah, fine thanks, you?” He mumbled, sounding unconvincing to his own ears.

“I’m good, yeah, thanks.” There was an uncomfortable pause, the two of them just staring at each other, before Isak jerked his head over at the living room.

“I should get back,” he said, and Jakob blinked, before nodding and moving out of the doorway.

“Shit, yeah, sorry. Well, it was good to see you, you… you look good.”

“Yeah, thanks, you too,” Isak garbled back, slinking out of the kitchen. He knew that Jakob was lying, he looked like shit, the dark circles under his eyes featuring more prominently at the moment thanks to the recent spate of sleeplessness that had arisen thanks to… everything, really. Even. Coursework. The ever present but less prominent concerns for his mother.

Isak suddenly felt overwhelmingly tired, the pounding music in time with the headache that was forming just behind his eye. It probably wasn’t the best idea but Isak downed the rest of his cup, drinking faster and faster until his head started to spin and he felt faintly sick. He headed for the door to the back garden, hand trailing along the wall in an attempt to ground himself, and when he reached outside he took large gulps of air, slumping down against the wall until he was sat on the ground, ignoring the way his jeans quickly soaked up the rain.

He really, _really_ didn’t want to be at that party.

Isak didn’t know how long he was sat there for when Mahdi, Magnus and Jonas eventually found him again, calling out his name with thinly veiled relief.

“Isak, fuck man, we’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Magnus claimed, and Isak rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, sure, in between sticking your tongue down Vilde’s throat. I’m sure you were very concerned,” Isak replied,voice full of vitriol as he climbed back to his feet.

“Hey, Isak, that’s not cool dude,” Mahdi said. Isak looked over at him, then at Jonas, both of them wearing matching frowns, and snorted.

“‘S true though, not that either of you are any better. Couldn’t wait even five minutes before ditching everyone to go hook up with some person you don’t even know.”

“Isak,” Jonas said, tone reprimanding, but Mahdi interrupted.

“What the hell is your problem?”

“I’m pissed off, because you three dragged me here when I never wanted to come in the first place and then fucked off as soon as we got inside!” Isak exploded, rounding on Mahdi. He was dimly aware of Jonas and Magnus standing off to the side, Jonas’ eyebrows knit with concern and Magnus watching with wide eyes, but none of that made any impression on Isak. He was suddenly overcome with the need to get out of there, immediately, and retreat back to the safety of his room and bed.

He lurched towards the door that would lead him back through the house and to the front door, his route to safety, at the same time as Mahdi shifted so that he was blocking Isak’s access, and the two of them froze.

“Let me through,” Isak hissed, hands balling into fists.

“Isak-“ Mahdi tried, but Isak had had enough, needed to bolt and get away from them all.

“Get the _fuck_ out of my face,” he spat, barrelling past Mahdi. Mahdi stumbled with the force, and Isak could hear Jonas and Magnus calling him, but he ignored them all, focused only on getting home.

*** 

Saturday dawned cold and bleak, but Isak wasn’t awake to see it. Instead, he stayed huddled in his bed, duvet pulled over his head to block the bright light that a rainy day brought, and slept. His phone buzzed on his bedside table, lighting up with incoming texts, but by midday these stopped as it became clear he wasn’t going to be answering them.

Eventually, by mid afternoon, Isak was hungry enough to wake up properly and he ventured out of his room and down the corridor, poking around his cupboard for something remotely appetising. He eventually settled on instant noodles, taking comfort in the idea of a bowl full of carbohydrates and sodium. He slouched against the side whilst he waited for the kettle to boil, ignoring the messages from Jonas that had built up and even a few from his mother, instead blocking out any thought of the world outside of his immediate vicinity with a game on his phone, the small blinking lights and repetitive music proving to be enough of a distraction that he didn’t hear the key in the lock to the door.

He did hear Eskild calling him though.

“Hey, you’re alive! Welcome to the land of the living, Isak, here we shower.”  
  


Isak huffed, lifting the kettle off the base and pouring the water over the dehydrated noodles, smoothing the foil lid back over the top. Eskild moved around him, setting down a mug with a tea bag inside next to Isak’s food, and Isak filled it with the leftover water.

“Thanks. What’s up with you then, Baby G? I thought we were over you hiding out in that pit of yours. Rough night?”  
  


“I don’t want to talk about it,” Isak said quietly, pulling out a fork from the drawer and poking his noodles with it.

“No? It’s not good to bottle everything up, I thought you knew this by now.”

“I _don’t_ want to talk about it, Eskild,” Isak repeated a little more forcefully, picking up his food and pushing off from the counter. He headed back to his room, but apparently Eskild wasn’t finished if the way he followed behind was any indication. Isak settled on to his bed, legs crossed, whilst Eskild settled himself against the doorframe.

“I’m serious, Eskild, I don’t want to discuss it.”  
  


“Is it about Even? You’ve been acting weird since New Year’s.”

“Eskild! Leave me alone, jesus _christ_ , how many more times?” 

“Fine, fine, I’ll leave you to your wallowing and general grumpiness, but seriously, Isak, people are getting worried now. Don’t push everyone away just because you’re upset.”

Isak heard Eskild leave, the door shutting slowly, but he didn’t look up, eyes fixed on his lap. Eventually, he set his noodles on the floor, no longer hungry, and curled back up in his bed again.

***

Isak was awake far too early the next day, considering that it was the weekend, far earlier than he would have liked. He went through the motions of getting showered and dressed, forcing down a slice of toast when a scan of the contents of the fridge showed that there was no milk on anyone’s shelf. It was probably his turn to buy it and it wasn’t as if it would be too difficult considering that the whole reason he was up at this time was because of work, but it would mean that he wouldn’t be able to slip away from work as quickly as he normally did.

Still. It would probably endear him to his flatmates, if he picked up the basic shopping _without_ having to be prompted, so he pulled out his phone and made a short list of everything he could think of that they were running low on and made sure to shove a couple of the cotton bags Eskild had made them all start using months ago into his backpack. That task done, he tugged on his trainers, jacket and hat before heading out the door and shutting the door softly enough that his flatmates wouldn’t wake up.

Work was mind numbing and repetitive and exactly what Isak needed as he scanned through items over and over again. After the debacle of both Friday night and Saturday- and Isak had a whole list now of people he should probably apologise to- Isak was quite happy to spend the day away from anyone that would potentially have anything to say about the state of his life. The rest of Saturday had been spent in a slump, watching Netflix half-heartedly. He’d eventually texted his mother back, assuring her that he was fine and eating properly and that he would try to visit her soon, before picking up his noodles again so that he was only half lying in his texts. 

It was a good thing then that he had been forced out of his room and the kollectiv that morning, even if the job itself was rarely enjoyable. It was enough time for him to trick his brain out of the slump it had fallen into, and by the time that he was on his last customer for the day his mind had already moved onto the grocery list that was sitting on his phone, wondering if maybe he should pick something up for Eskild to apologise with or whether the act of doing the chore itself would be enough.

“Hello, how…” the greeting died on his lips as he looked up, heart plummeting as he saw his last customer of the day. Even was standing there in front of him, equally shocked. Isak was frozen in place, hand half stretched out to reach for the carton of juice that was sitting on the conveyor belt.

“Hi,” Even said finally, causing Isak to swallow and start picking up the items, intent on scanning them through as quickly as possible. There was an awkward silence, Isak not knowing what to say and not quite trusting his voice, the only noise the beep of the scanner. Even sighed. “Good chat.”

“What?”

“Just… nothing.” There was another awkward silence, before Even cleared his throat to start speaking again. “Isak, I-”

“Hi, sorry sorry, I couldn’t find you again.” Isak looked over at Sonja who had just bounded up, her smile bright but somehow off kilter, not quite reaching her eyes. She was holding a bottle of shampoo and she placed it down on the conveyor belt, slipping her hand into Even’s. “Hi, sorry, I didn’t realise that the queue would be so quick.”  
  


“It’s fine,” Isak mumbled, continuing on with the order. He didn’t know if Sonja was oblivious to the awkward atmosphere that had settled between Isak and Even, or if she was tactful enough to not comment on it, but either way Isak had never been more relieved to read out a total and finish serving a customer than he was at that moment.

He tried not to stare as Even and Sonja walked away, tried not to focus on the way that Even slipped his hand out of Sonja’s to run it through his hair or the way that Sonja seemed to be irritated by something, her shoulders tense and her hand gestures jolting. He tried, but failed, and this time when Even glanced back at him, an indiscernible look to his eyes, Isak saw it.

***

The next day Isak woke up early again, the sky still dark outside with the remnants of night. He’d just about managed to scrape his way back into Eskild’s good books, but he still hadn’t spoken to any of his friends about what had happened on Friday night. 

He also hadn’t worked out what had happened on Sunday at the store. He knew that he was fixating on the issue and that inability to work it out was what was causing him to not be able to move on from it, but he wasn’t sure how to work through it. Maybe if he hadn’t admitted to himself that he had managed to develop feelings for Even, hadn’t decided to try and move things forward between them, he wouldn’t have as much trouble sleeping as he did now, unable to shut his brain off from the thoughts that were spinning around and around.

Huffing with frustration, Isak threw off his duvet and got out of bed, yanking open his wardrobe and pulling on his old running kit. He had used to run back in high school, first through the neighbourhood where his childhood home had been and later through the park closest to the Kollectiv when the thoughts in his head had become a little too loud and seemingly unsolvable. The exercise had allowed him to literally run from his problems, if only for a little while, wearing his body out long enough for him to finally fall asleep when he got back. He had never run in the morning, and hadn’t run for a long time now, but the urge came quickly and unexpectedly and soon he was tugging on his trainers and leaving the building, earphones shoved into his ears and drowning out any lingering thoughts as he concentrated on his breathing and pacing.

The pace that he eventually set was fast, faster than he probably should have gone for considering he by no means had a regular workout routine, but despite his searing lungs and protesting muscles Isak almost felt clear headed. The air was sharp and cold still and it was early enough that the streets weren’t yet filled with commuters and tourists, the rest of the city still only waking up. Isak ran and ran, the rhythm finally settling something inside of him. When he finally made it back to the Kollectiv, sweaty and out of breath, he felt better than he had when he had first woken up, despite the trembling limbs. He showered quickly, nodding a hello to Eskild on his way to the bathroom who simply raised an eyebrow at his attire, and when he slid into his seat in the library a few hours later he was finally able to reply to Sana’s smile with one of his own.

***

“So,” Eskild said several days later, settling on the couch and tucking his legs beneath him. Isak raised his eyebrows at him, sitting warily down on the other couch, curious as to what Eskild wanted to say to him. Things had improved somewhat between the two since the weekend, Isak having come to him on Monday evening to apologise and Eskild accepting him with a wave of his hand, but they hadn’t actually spent too much time together since, until Eskild had knocked on his door, informed Isak that he had ordered pizza for them and Linn, and could Isak _please_ join him in the lounge so that he wouldn’t have to watch Project Runway on his own. Isak had agreed, because he loved pizza and though he would never admit it, there was something somewhat comforting about Tim Gunn telling people to ‘make it work’. 

“So?” Isak repeated, only half listening.

“You started running again.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Since Monday, Isak had taken to going out first thing in the morning, running until he couldn’t anymore in a bid to soothe the storm inside his mind. It was working, somewhat. He had managed to apologise to Magnus, Mahdi and Jonas at their weekly lunchtime, only for it to be shrugged off and accepted with a brief ‘it’s cool man’. Even Sana had commented on his different outlook, mentioning how nice it was that he had finally pulled his head out of his ass and started to focus properly again. “I don’t know. It’s good thinking time, I guess.”  
  


“Mhm. You know though, you can always come to me, as your guru, if you need advice, or someone to talk to. I know you don’t always like doing that, but I do genuinely want to help you if it’s needed, and if you ask for it.”

Isak was quiet, picking at the cheese on the top of his pizza slice, before putting his plate on the coffee table.

“Linn can help as well,” Eskild added, and Linn snorted from where she was curled up beside him.

“Speak for yourself,” she muttered, but shuffled into a more upright position regardless.

“I know,” Isak said. He swallowed, considering, and the advert break was almost over before he started to speak again. “You asked last time, if it was about Even.” Eskild nodded at him encouragingly. “It um… well, you know I like him, right?”

“I’m not blind, Isak.”

“Right. But he… I was going to tell him, like you said, on New Years Eve. Except he already has a girlfriend, apparently, and so I didn’t. Because he’s with her. Except now… now…”

“It hurts?” Eskild suggested when it appeared that Isak had run out of words, and Isak nodded, blushing slightly. Linn shrugged.

“Fuck him.”

Eskild gasped dramatically, placing one hand to his chest and the other on her knee.“No Linn, that’s what got Isak into this mess originally.” 

“Not literally. Jesus. Or maybe literally, but not fuck _him_ , somebody different. Best way to move on is to screw someone else.”

“I don’t think-” Isak started, but stopped when he saw Eskild nodding sagely. 

“Yes, I can see where you’re coming from Linn. If he’s going to be with someone else, then so should you. Get out there, meet someone else, have a whatever you two had with someone new and see if that goes anywhere. Even if it doesn’t at least you’re still getting dick and you’re _so_ much less grumpy then.”

“You’re serious?” Isak asked, tone disbelieving, and both Linn and Eskild nodded at him.

“If you don’t, then I’ll set you up,” Eskild threatened, and Isak sighed before pulling out his phone and asking in the group chat he had with the boys if anyone wanted to go out that Saturday.

***

Unsurprisingly, his friends were quick to take him up on that offer and once again Isak found himself crammed into a too small nightclub with too many people. The energy felt different this time, now that they had a purpose. Isak had hosted the pregame again and Eskild had been more than happy to join, elated at seeing Noora again and reconnecting with Eva and Vilde before announcing the mission to get Isak laid. Isak had blushed a deep red at the comment, but it had been met with a cheer from Mahdi and a promise from Magnus to be the best wingman ever, followed by shots and really Isak couldn’t really complain.

They had arrived early enough that the better booths around the edge were still free and the girls immediately went off to claim one of the larger ones. Isak had wanted to follow, but Eskild had caught him by the shoulder and swung him in the direction of the bar, convincing him to have a drink with him first in celebration of… something, Isak hadn’t really been able to hear him over the noise of the music, but the drink was free and he wasn’t one to complain about free things.

It wasn’t long before Eva and Vilde were pulling him onto the dancefloor, getting him to twirl them around in time to the music and the flashing lights. Whilst it was busy, it wasn’t as full as it had been the last time they had been here, and bit by bit Isak finally felt himself relax into the night. Despite his promise to help Isak hook up with someone, Magnus seemed more interested in spending his time dancing with Vilde, but Isak didn’t find himself minding too much, instead simply enjoying his time with his friends, even if Eskild’s dancing was rather alarming at times.

Eventually, though, he found himself stood in the smoking area outside, taking a moment to catch his breath and cool down a little from the heat of the dancefloor. He was in that sweet spot between tipsy and drunk, where everything seemed so much more mellow and easy compared to normal, where the world was just a little bit kinder and he felt a little bit freer in his being. It was cold outside, the late January air freezing, but alcohol did wonderful things in terms of staying warm and Isak found himself not minding the breeze.

“Isak?” Isak looked up when he heard his name being called, his mouth falling open a little as he found himself looking at Even. Suddenly that sweet spot didn’t seem so sweet anymore, his inhibitions too lowered to form any defence. 

“Even,” Isak breathed, and the two of them stood opposite each other, time coming to a stop. Isak’s eyes traced every part of Even’s expression, the surprise and uncertainty that lay in his eyes, the way he licked his lips nervously. 

Even took a step closer, and another, until the two of them were almost too close and Isak wanted to step backwards, to put some of the distance back between them, but found that he couldn’t move, that he was rooted to the spot.

“I wanted… when I saw you, at the supermarket… or maybe not then, exactly, but… I wanted to explain, about me and Sonja…”  
  


Even trailed off, his explanation broken and not helpful at all, and Isak could barely follow it. His heart was pounding in his ears and he figured that, perhaps, this was the exact opposite of what Linn and Eskild were suggesting he do this evening.

“I just… I just wanted this,” Even whispered, before taking the final step forward and capturing Isak’s lips with his.

The kiss was everything that Isak remembered and more, full of longing and desire. He felt something fizz inside of him and he wanted more, he wanted everything, he wanted _Even_ and his hands slid into Even’s hair, pulling him closer and closer. 

Even was kissing him just as desperately, his arms pinning Isak to his body. Isak didn’t know how long they stood there for, wrapped up in each other, and even when the kiss ended they didn’t part, their foreheads resting against each other. Isak kept his eyes closed, not wanting to let the moment go.

“I was going to talk to you,” Isak admitted, so quietly it was a miracle Even heard him. “At the New Years Eve party.”

“What about?” Even asked, but his arms tightened around Isak as if he already knew what Isak had wanted to say, what he still wanted to say.

“That I like you. That I wanted more.”

The confession hung heavy above them, like a sword of Damocles, before Even pressed his lips feather light to Isak’s again.

“I like you too.”

Even pulled back from Isak slightly, thumbs brushing ever so lightly over the shadows under his eyes, and when Even smiled it was full of longing and regret and something Isak couldn’t quite name.

It was a smile that took Isak’s breath away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the mistake last chapter where I accidentally marked it as complete... I promise that there is one more chapter after this 😊
> 
> Thanks as ever to eirabach and hedwigstalons for their beta skills and reassurance about the angst level in this chapter.
> 
> Also shoutout to my manager for agreeing to me having today off- they don’t know it was just so I could write and get this chapter out on Even’s birthday but hey ho 😂


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: there are discussions of mental health and there is smut, both in the second half of this chapter.

If Isak thought that things would change between him and Even after their midnight confessions, he was wrong. The kiss remained a kiss, Even vanishing after they pulled apart, and Isak tried not to think too much about it, tried to put it behind him.

He should have known that would prove to be impossible.

It was easier this time, in a sense. Even seemed to not only have vanished from the club that night, but dropped off the face of the earth completely. For the next week Isak caught himself scanning the crowds on campus for him, having to forcibly shake himself out of it when he found his thoughts drifting from things he ought to be concentrating on. It was driving his friends mad, and none more so than Sana, who had never been particularly patient when she felt that Isak was wasting her time. She also didn’t pull her punches when confronting Isak about his inattentiveness either.

“Isak, if you don’t get it together, you can find a new best bud to study with. I don’t know about you but I want an A for my classes and I’m not interested in wasting my time helping you if all you’re going to do is sit there and mope.”  
  


“You’re finally admitting I’m your best bud?” Isak asked, grinning at Sana and quirking an eyebrow. Sana rolled her eyes, lips pursing.

“What can I say, you wore me down. Now stop moping about Even and _focus_ .”   
  


“Who said I’m moping about Even? I’m not moping about him,” Isak protested, but Sana simply stared at him until he sighed and ducked his head down in defeat. “Okay, maybe I’m moping a _little_.”

“Uh huh, sure. Look, just talk to him or whatever, get it out of your system, but do it in your own time. I promise, you don’t need to be scared.”

“I’m not scared.”  
  


“Then just talk to him.” 

“Maybe,” Isak agreed, smiling weakly, and the two of them returned to their textbooks.

***

_To: Even_

_Hi Even, it’s Isak. I was wondering if you’re free to talk?_

_To: Even_

_It’s okay if you’re busy, I just thought maybe we should talk about the other night._

_To: Even_

_I get if you don’t want to, never mind._

***

The next day Isak had been cornered by Jonas as he left his final lecture of the day, the swirling grey clouds matching his mood perfectly. Jonas had asked if Isak wanted to grab a kebab with him and seeing the agitation thrumming through Jonas Isak agreed readily. It hadn’t hurt that Jonas had offered to pay for them- Isak was never one to turn down free food- and twenty minutes later the two of them sat down in a nearby park, Jonas already ranting about some problem he was having with Eva. Isak wasn’t really sure what it was about; in all honesty, he hadn’t really been paying attention.

“I really don’t see what her problem is, she’s the one who ended things, not me. If things are starting to go shit with Chris that’s not really my problem. She knows that I have something with Emma so why is she trying to drag up the past now? Isak? Isak, dude, are you even listening?”  
  


Isak blinked out of his stupor and refocused on Jonas, who had paused mid rant and looked as if he was seconds away from snapping his fingers in front of Isak’s face.

“What do you think?”

“Think about what?”  
  


Jonas sighed, running his hand over his face in exasperation. “Okay, we will spend ten minutes on whatever is going on with you before returning to the Eva problem.”  
  


“I don’t have anything going on with me,” Isak protested moodily, picking up his kebab from the top of the picnic table and stabbing into his food with the plastic fork. Jonas scoffed disbelievingly.

“Isak, something happened and you’ve been acting weird and distant all week now. Just spit whatever is bothering you out, we’ll come up with a plan or a solution or whatever, and then you can start paying attention to my problems.”  
  


Isak stared at him slack jawed for a moment, before looking back to his kebab. “When… when we went out, with the girls and Eskild and everyone, Even was there. And he kissed me.”  
  


“And?”

Isak frowned at Jonas. “‘And’ what?”

“And?! And, did you sleep with him, and has he split up with his girlfriend yet, and are you back together?”

“We were never _together_ together.”

“Okay, fine, but are you now?”

“No. To all those questions, I guess. He’s just- it’s really hard to know what’s going on with him, you know? He’s- he’s very up and down and doesn’t seem to reply to his texts, apparently.”  
  


Jonas hummed in agreement and took a bite of his own kebab, chewing thoughtfully whilst he thought of a response. “Okay, Isak, you have _got_ to stop this. He’s playing you, and that’s not on. Either he breaks up with his girlfriend and you two start something properly, or he lets you get on with your life. Either way, he has _got_ to stop fucking you about, and you have to stop letting him, okay?”   
  


“I guess,” Isak mumbled, fiddling with the corner of a paper napkin. Jonas sighed.

“He’s got to break up with his girlfriend.”  
  


That was enough to pull a small smile from Isak and Jonas nodded to himself. The two of them sat eating their food in silence for a moment before Isak spoke again.

“Eva still likes you, that’s why she’s being weird. She’s also much better than Emma, so if I were you I’d focus on trying to get back with Eva.”  
  


“Since when do you give love advice?” Jonas teased, and Isak rolled his eyes.

“Since you decided to act like a school kid about it. Have you finished yet? It’s fucking freezing out here and I have FIFA to beat you at.”  
  


“Like that’s gonna happen,” Jonas scoffed, but he bumped his shoulder against Isak’s and the two of them stood up, making their unhurried way back to Isak’s.

***

Isak intended to follow Jonas’ advice, he really did, but when he woke up the next day shivering and feeling as if his head was full of cotton wool all thoughts of telling Even exactly what he could do with his kiss and his confession flew out of the window. Eskild had rather emphatically sent him back to his bed as soon as Isak had shuffled into the kitchen on aching legs, with the threat of taping off his room completely in an attempt to prevent the illness from spreading across to the rest of the Kollectiv. Isak hadn’t had the energy to protest, had in fact been thankful that the final decision as to whether or not he should go to campus had been taken out of his hands with the result being he was allowed to instead go back to bed, and so he burrowed into the mattress and under his duvet and promptly fell asleep.

When he woke up he wasn’t sure what time it was. It wasn’t yet dark outside and that would indicate that he hadn’t slept the entire day, but his brain felt as if it was melting out of his ears and the duvet was heavy on his limbs. The fabric prickled against his skin so he kicked it off until it formed a tangled bundle at the foot of his bed. Isak whined at the loss of heat, even if he was sweating through his tee-shirt, but he fell asleep again before he could pull it back up.

When he next woke up it was dark in his room but Isak didn’t know if there was still daylight outside as the curtains had now been drawn. Isak was pretty sure that someone had been in his room because a blanket he didn’t recognise had been pulled over his shoulders and a mug of tea left on his bedside table. Isak ignored the tea, the rawness of his throat making the thought of swallowing anything an impossibly painful task.

He huddled into the blanket that definitely wasn’t his and when that wasn’t enough to stave off the chills he reached down for the duvet that had been folded by whoever had been in his room. Isak thought it was probably Eskild, but then he also thought that Eskild had declared Isak and Isak’s room a no-go hazardous zone of pestilence. Maybe. Honestly, Isak couldn’t remember and thinking in that moment in time was making his brain hurt too much.

He was too tired to fall back asleep, even though he wanted to more than anything, so he wormed an arm out from the nest he had created and fished across the top of his bedside table for his phone. He clicked it on, wincing at the bright light, and frowned at the litany of messages that appeared from Jonas, Sana and the group chat. He opened them up and scrolled back to the beginning of each thread of new messages, reading them through as they became increasingly concerned until Isak reached the latest ones from Jonas.

_From: Jonas_

_Hi Isak, Eskild said you were sick. Hope you get better soon, bro. I’ll let the others know so they stop bugging you in the group chat._

_From: Jonas_

_I’ll let Sana know too._

Isak stared at the messages until the screen went dark, frowning. He was sure that there was something he was forgetting to do, something he was supposed to have done for Sana and Jonas, and he unlocked his phone again and pulled up his messages as he forced his brain to wade through the sludge his thoughts had become. As soon as he opened them though he saw Even’s name, and he felt the wave of realisation wash over him. Talk to Even. He had promised Sana and Jonas he would talk to Even.

He clicked on the chat thread and pulled up the keyboard, trying to think of what to say. The screen wavered in front of his eyes, the keyboard swimming, and without thinking about it he clicked on the ‘call’ button instead, bringing it up to his ear with hands that were shaking with something other than nerves for once.

“Hello?” Even’s voice was crackly with sleep, even though it hadn’t taken long for him to pick up. “Isak? Are you okay? It’s late.”

“Hi,” he croaked, before his brain momentarily stalled. He could hear shuffling coming from Even’s end and Isak shut his eyes, trying to hold onto the thoughts that kept slipping through his mind like water in his hands. Or maybe the finest, slipperiest silk. Or- Isak opened his eyes again, trying to not let himself get side-tracked.

“Isak? What’s wrong?” Even’s voice was different now, more concerned, and Isak frowned. He didn’t want to worry Even, he never wanted Even to worry about him.

“Don’t worry, you’re not supposed to worry.”  
  


“I… you don’t want me to worry? Isak you sound sick.”

“You’re not supposed to worry,” Isak insisted, and then sighed because this was not what he had called Even about. Sana and Jonas. Right. Talk to Even. He could do this, he just had to concentrate, had to not let his brain get sidetracked. “Jonas and Sana said I had to talk,” Isak said, voice rasping against his sore throat, but now that Even knew that Isak had called for a reason hopefully they wouldn’t be distracted.

“Jonas and Sana?” Even asked, confused, and right, because Isak was the only one who had those conversations. Even didn’t know what they had been about.

“You kissed me.”

“Yes.”

“And said you liked me.”

“So did you,” Even replied, and there was a quality to his voice that Isak wasn’t sure about, didn’t know if he had heard it before or what it meant or whether it even existed in the first place and wasn’t a product of his delirium.

“I do,” Isak agreed. 

“Isak?” Even asked, vulnerable and concerned and Isak wished he would stop sounding concerned. “I know we need to talk, but it’s two in the morning and you’re not… you sound pretty sick. I want to talk with you, I do, but maybe we should wait until you’re feeling better? I could come round, maybe, next week.”

“Oh.” Isak blinked, thinking through it, but nodded. “Then we’ll talk?”

“I promise, Isak.”

“And you won’t play me?”

“I won’t play you.”

“Good. Because I like you, a lot.”  
  


“I like you too.”

“Okay. I’m going to sleep now.”  
  


“I think that’s a good idea. Goodnight, Isak.”

Isak hummed in response and locked his phone, snuggling down into the duvet and the blankets and promptly falling asleep again.

***

When he woke up later on Saturday he still felt hot, feverish and completely out of it. Eskild was perched on the bed beside him, running his fingers through Isak’s sweaty curls. He forced Isak to drink an entire bottle of water, before letting Isak fall back into unconsciousness.

***

When he woke up on Sunday, he felt better. Not well, his head was still pounding and his throat still sore, but the fever had finally broken sometime during the night and he thought that maybe it would be a good idea to have a shower now that he felt a little bit more human.

He got out of bed onto wobbly legs, draping the loaned blanket around his shoulders like a cape, and took shaky steps towards the bathroom. He sat down in the shower, not trusting himself to stand yet, but when he was finished and dressed in clean pyjamas he felt immeasurably better than he had when he had first woken up. 

Deciding that he should really clean his sheets before climbing back into bed he started the process of stripping them, piling the dirty laundry near his door. He didn’t get very far, only getting the pillowcases and half of the duvet off before he sat down on the floor, utterly exhausted. At that moment there was a knock at the door and Eskild appeared, a water bottle in one hand and a mug in the other, pushing the door shut with his foot.

“Hello, Baby- Oh, you’re awake? Feeling better?” Eskild set the drinks on the desk, Isak watching him, before settling down on the floor next to him and feeling Isak’s forehead with the back of his hand. “Your temperature feels better.”

“I feel… less shitty,” Isak agreed, leaning back against the wardrobe. “Not one hundred per cent though.”

“No, you still sound _remarkably_ croaky. But at least you’re coherent now. Hm. Maybe sixty-five percent?”

“Sure,” Isak huffed with a smile. “Sixty-five sounds good.”

“It’s not great, but it does mean that you can come out now. Pretty sure I’ve already been exposed to whatever you’ve had but at least _I_ understand the concept of healthy eating.”   
  


“Hey, I eat healthily.”  
  


“No, Isak. No. Instant noodles, cereal and cheese toasties do not make for a healthy diet.” The two of them were quiet for a moment, Eskild taking in the tangle of bedding that had been thrown to the floor in tired frustration and Isak picking at a loose thread in his sweatshirt, before Eskild nudged him gently with his shoulder. “Okay Baby J, you go and get comfy on the sofa, I’ll finish your sheets.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It’s not like you’re gonna be able to go back to bed until they’ve finished in the dryer anyway, given that you continue to ignore my advice in getting a second set of sheets. So, just this once mind you, I will _selflessly_ do your laundry for you.”

Later, Isak would swear up, down and sideways that it was the illness that caused it, but at that moment tears started to well and he shut his eyes quickly, leaning his head on Eskild’s shoulder.

“Thanks, Guru.”  
  


Eskild’s arm snaked around Isak’s shoulder and pulled him into a sideways hug. “Any time, Baby Jesus.”

Eventually the two of them got up, Isak traipsed into the living room whilst Eskild finished stripping the bed. Linn looked up as Isak entered the room, lifting her head up off the armrest, before settling back down again and returning her attention to the nature programme playing on the tv.

“I thought you were dying,” she commented as Isak flopped on to the other sofa, shuffling a little as he tried to get comfortable.

“Only a little,” Isak confirmed, wishing he’d thought to bring that blanket from earlier with him.

“Well, I’m glad. I don’t think I could cope going back to living with just Eskild. I like him and all, but he’s very energetic.”

Isak smiled. “Love you too Linn.”

*** 

The rest of the weekend was spent with the three of them quietly watching tv together, Isak stretched out across one couch and Linn and Eskild curled up on the other, Linn swapping the armrest for Eskild’s lap as her pillow. At some point Eskild drifted off into the kitchen, returning with pizza for him to share with Linn and a bowl of soup for Isak, but other than that they barely moved. Eventually, starting to get stiff lying on the sofa, Isak got up and made his way back to his bedroom, bidding the other two goodnight. They had simply nodded at him, too engrossed in the Netflix drama Eskild had put on and Isak hadn’t followed the plot of. Isak had felt immensely grateful for Eskild though when he saw that his sheets had not only been washed, but put back on his bed, and he made a mental note to try and be a bit less grumpy towards his roomates in the future as he huddled back into bed and fell quickly asleep.

Monday morning he woke with his alarm, and he reached for his phone with a groan, quickly silencing it. There was a whole stack of messages waiting for him now that he had charged his phone from his friends wishing him better, and one from ten minutes ago from Jonas asking if he was going to campus that day. 

Isak huffed, rolling over onto his side and pulling his duvet up to his chin. The idea of going to campus that day felt impossibly draining, but maybe he’d be able to study from home that day, instead of forcing himself through hours of labs and lectures.

_To: Jonas_

_Not yet. Feeling better today but not 100%. Going to just study at home, see how it goes._

The response was almost instantaneous.

_From: Jonas_

_Glad to hear you’ve stopped dying. Don’t spend too long at home, we need your sunny personality and lack of grumpiness to brighten the group._

_To: Jonas_

_Ha ha. I’ll try and be there Weds lunch._

_From: Jonas_

_👍_

Isak locked his phone and buried himself back into his pillow and duvet, content that his quota of social interaction had been met for the day.

He woke up again around lunch time and this time he got out of bed, showering half-heartedly before pulling on a fresh pair of sweats and padding into the kitchen. There was still half a can of the soup Eskild had heated up for him the night before in the fridge and Isak dumped it into a pan figuring it would be as good a breakfast as anything especially now that it was past midday. He prodded at it with a spoon, pouring it into a bowl pulled from the drying rack when it had finished heating up, and took it back to his room, this time settling at his desk rather than his bed again and opening up his laptop for the first time since Thursday.

He actually managed to clock in a few hours of study time before his energy levels flagged and he slumped back in bed, settling in for a Netflix session. He didn’t get very far when the doorbell rang and he stood with a sigh, heading over to unlatch the door. 

“I swear, Eskild, one day you’ll have to remember-“ he cut himself off when he saw that it was Even who stood there, bundled up in layers to defend him against the February chill.

“Hi,” Even said, his expression and tone a little unsure, a little stunned. Isak knew how he felt, even if he didn’t know why.

“Hi. You’re not Eskild.”

“No, I’m not.”

Isak stood there gaping for a moment longer, but then Even shifted slightly on his feet and Isak snapped out of his daze.

“How did you get into the building?”

“Your neighbour let me in,” Even explained. “I wanted to check you were okay, after Friday night.”

“Friday night?”

“Yeah, when you called me. Remember? Actually I’m not sure if you would, you seemed pretty out of it.”

“I…” Isak trailed off weakly. “I don’t remember.”

“Yeah, I thought that might be a possibility.” Even shuffled in the awkward silence that fell between them, until once again Isak’s mind caught up with the situation at hand and he took a small step back.

“Do you want to come in?”

“Sure.” 

Even smiled at him, small and tight but genuine, and stepped over the threshold. He shut the door and toed off his shoes, and Isak headed into the living room, settling down on one of the couches. Even followed him but didn’t sit down at first, instead setting a paper bag on the coffee table and pulling out two take away cups.

“I thought you might want some tea,” Even explained, fiddling with the sleeve of one of the cups.

“Oh, um, thank you. Tea sounds… tea sounds good, thanks.”

Even passed him one of the cups and settled on the end of the sofa next to Isak, not looking at him. Isak took a sip of the drink, and then a second when the lemon and ginger soothed his throat. 

“So,” Isak said eventually, turning to face Even and bringing his legs up and underneath him. “What did I say to you on Friday night?”

“Well, you called me at two in the morning so it was technically Saturday morning I guess,” Even began, and Isak grimaced.

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. You called, and you said you wanted to talk. You weren’t… you were pretty incoherent, to be honest, it was quite hard to follow, but I didn’t see you on campus today and figured that I would just come check. To see if you were better. So um… yeah.”

Isak looked down at his cup, scratching at the label of the tea bag, trying to think of what to say. He knew that he should talk to Even, had planned on asking to meet up with him over the weekend at some point to talk everything through and work out where they both stood until he got sick, but now that he was actually here and the moment had arrived- had, apparently, arrived two days ago- Isak wasn’t quite sure what to say.

He decided to eventually start with the basics.

“Well, I am feeling better, thank you. I should be back at uni tomorrow.”

  
“Good. I’m glad.”

Isak nodded, taking another sip of his drink to try and settle his nerves. “I don’t… I don’t remember calling you at all, so I don’t know what I said then. It’s probably best if you don’t pay too much attention to anything I _did_ say, because according to Eskild I was talking a lot on Saturday when I was actually awake. But, you were right. I did want to talk.”

“About the kiss.”

“Yeah, about the kiss,” Isak agreed, curling in on himself slightly. He caught Even running a hand through his hair out of the corner of his eye. Isak turned toward Even, looking directly at him for the first time since they had sat down, and Even lifted his head and looked back at him. “Why did you kiss me?”  
  


“Because… it’s you. It’s impossible to forget you.”  
  


“But you’re with Sonja.”

Even flinched, glancing down at his lap before looking back up at Isak again. “Not any more. We broke up, for good this time.”

“For good?”

“Yeah, Sonja and I… we were together for a long time, since high school, but it wasn’t… we weren’t happy, by the end. We were on a break, when I first met you back in August.”

“Oh. You were- you weren’t together? Back then?”

“No. We were on a break, I guess. Like I said, we were together for a long time. She thought it might be good to spend some time apart and decide over winter break if a relationship together was something we still wanted.”

“And you did.”  
  


“No, not really.” 

Isak frowned, confused. “But… you got back together.”

“Yeah, we did. She… Sonja’s put up with a lot of shit from me. Sometimes I feel like I owe her so much, and we _did_ love each other at some point. And, more importantly, I was scared.”

“Scared?”

“Yes, scared. With Sonja, it’s safe, comfortable. I know her, she knows me, it’s easy. It can be boring, and sometimes it feels like she’s trying to… to control me, I guess, like she’s constantly monitoring me, but I figured that I’d made it this far putting up with that and I could keep going. But with you… Isak, with you, it’s electric. It’s like, all these things I’d heard about in songs and films and books and stuff about meeting someone, all those descriptions that normally sound so unbelievable suddenly became true. You were all I could think about, you’re _still_ all I think about, and that was fucking terrifying.”   
  


“Oh.” Isak chewed on his lip, thinking through everything Even had said, then ducked his head down to look at the lid of his cup again, unable to meet the intensity of Even’s gaze any longer. “It was the same for me, you know. Or, not exactly the same, I guess. I didn’t have a Sonja. But before, I never really got it, you know? I’ve had relationships before but I hadn’t realised how… empty they were until you.” He paused, then flashed Even a nervous grin. “Sorry. That was probably a bit much.”

“No,” Even reassured him, shifting closer on the sofa towards Isak and reaching out to tuck a stray curl behind Isak’s ear. “It’s not. And it makes me so happy to hear you say that, but I have to tell you something else, the other part of why I went back to Sonja.”  
  


“What?”

Even’s hand dropped down into his lap and he seemed to shrink into himself with nerves, making himself look smaller and younger than before. 

“When… when I was in my third year of highschool, I was diagnosed with bipolar. I don’t know if you know what that is, but the very, very basics of it is that sometimes I get really high and then really low.”

Isak’s mouth twisted, but he reached out a hand and squeezed Even’s forearm. “I don’t know too much, but my friend’s mum has the same thing. It’s okay.”

Even smiled weakly, nodding slightly. “Yeah. Well. Things got really fucked in third year, but she stuck with me through it all, so it always kind of felt like… like I owed her, I guess. Not that that’s a good basis for a relationship, but I was too much of a coward to end things properly at Christmas.”

“Hey. Even. You’re not a coward.”

“Yes, Isak, I am. If I wasn’t… if I was brave, then I would have ended things over the break and come clean to you far, far earlier, and not worry so much that I’ll end up ruining things between us.”

“Ruin things between us? Because... what, because your bipolar? That’s not going to ruin us, Even.”

“It’s not an easy thing to add to a relationship, though. I’d get it if you… if you didn’t want to get into something with me. I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“Even… I like you.”

“But?”

“No buts.”

“There are plenty of buts. I’m probably going to fuck things up, or hurt you.”  
  


“Would you mean to hurt me?”

“No,” Even replied immediately, horrified. “I could never mean to hurt you. But that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t.”  
  


“No, that’s true. You could hurt me. I could hurt you. Either of us could fuck things up, or- or a meteorite could hit the Earth tomorrow and kill us all like the dinosaurs. We don’t know anything about what might happen in the future. But I do know that right now I want to be with you.”

“I want to be with you too, but-”

“No. Nope, no more buts. I know you think that I might not be able to handle it, but you aren’t your illness, Even.”

“No?”  
  


“No. And I get it, that thinking too much about the future is scary. It can be scary for me too, sometimes. But we don’t have to overthink it. We can just take it minute by minute. Loads of people are dealing with all sorts of stuff all the time, that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be with someone who makes them happy.”  
  


“You make me happy,” Even whispered, and Isak leant in to press a short kiss to Even’s lips.

“You make me happy too,” he replied once he pulled back. 

“So. We’re really doing this? Having a relationship?”

“I want to, if you do.”

“I do.”

Isak felt his face split into a giant grin, one that was mirrored by Even, and he leaned in again to kiss him once more, a little harder but not longer. 

“I probably shouldn’t be kissing you right now, I don’t know if I’m still contagious or not. Eskild finally let me out of my room yesterday but he’s been around me this whole time so if he or Linn were going to get it then they’d probably be sick by now.”

Even laughed, pulling Isak into his side and curling an arm around him. Isak nestled into him, leaning his head on Even’s chest, eyes fluttering as Even’s hand reached up into his curls and started to comb through them.

“Don’t worry, I have a very strong immune system.”

“Hmm. I’m going to fall asleep if you keep doing that.”

“Comfy?”

“Very.”  
  


“Good.” Even’s head ducked down, pressing a quick kiss to the top of Isak’s head, and Isak sighed happily.

“Even?”  
  


“Hm?”  
  


“Are we boyfriends now?”

“...I thought that was the conclusion of the conversation we just had?”

“Good. I was just checking. Means I can fall asleep on you without it being weird.”

Even laughed again, moving his hand back down again to pull him closer. “Baby, you can fall asleep on me anytime, but would you not feel more comfortable in a bed?”  
  


“Nope. You’re very comfy.”  
  


“Okay. We can stay here.”

Isak smiled, content, and quickly drifted off to sleep.

***

The rest of the week passed with the same sort of monotony that the rest of the year had, with Isak trudging from class to class interspersed with bouts of studying in the library, but this week for once Isak didn’t even notice the drudgery, feeling too at peace to mind it. It was the same classes, the same food at lunch, the same study sessions with Sana, but this time it was with the addition of Even. Isak had gone back to classes on Tuesday as promised, Even meeting him during a lecture break with coffee in tow, and on Wednesday Even had joined Isak for lunch with the others. Isak hadn’t been sure who was more happy that Even was there; himself, or Magnus, who had stared at Even with an awestruck expression for longer than Isak thought was strictly necessary. Jonas had teased Isak later for the possessive hand Isak had placed on Even’s thigh, the other hand reaching up to tangle his fingers with Even’s, Even’s arm draped over his shoulders, but Isak couldn’t find it in himself to care about the teasing.

Thursday they hadn’t been able to see each other, schedules and deadlines making it impossible, but they had tried to make up for it with texts. It hadn’t quite worked, Isak already finding himself missing Even after just one day apart, and he wasn’t shy about making Even aware of that.

_To: Even_

_When is your essay due? Do you want to come to mine tonight?_

_From: Even_

_Sorry baby, but I don’t think I’ll be able to. Are you free tomorrow though?_

_To: Even_

_I haven’t got any plans. Did you want to find a party or something?_

_From: Even_

_No. I want to take you on a date._

_To: Even_

_A date?_

_From: Even_

_Yep. A date._

_To: Even_

_What are we doing on this date?_

_From: Even_

_It’s a surprise. Pick you up at 19:00?_

_To: Even_

_Interesting. See you at 19._

Isak had barely been able to concentrate through the rest of his lectures on Friday, glancing repeatedly at the clock as the seconds ticked down. As soon as the professor announced the end of the lecture, Isak leapt up, stuffing his notes into his bag as he left the lecture theatre and almost ran to the tram. 

When he got back to the Kollectiv he took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. He’d been on dates before, had even been the one to plan them, but he was quickly learning that, when it came to Even, anything they did together was accompanied with a whole flotilla of butterflies. It was new and thrilling, nothing like anything Isak had ever felt before.

Isak pushed off the wall and headed to the bathroom, stopping briefly to dump his rucksack in his bedroom and pick up a clean-ish towel. He took his time in the shower, stealing some of Eskild’s conditioner in an attempt to make his curls extra soft and trying to calm his nerves. It worked, somewhat, the hot water working wonders to relieve some of the tension in his muscles, but when he stood half an hour later wrapped in his towel staring into the depths of his wardrobe the nerves started to return. 

He heard Eskild’s door shut from across the hallway and Isak quickly pulled on a pair of sweats and a tee shirt, padding out of his room and heading over to Eskild’s, knocking lightly on the door. It opened remarkably quickly, Eskild standing in the doorway with a smug smile, and Isak almost turned on his heel to scurry back to his room.

Almost.

“I have a date tonight. With Even.”

“Oh?” Eskild asked, raising an eyebrow and acting as if Isak hadn’t already waved the text in front of his face the previous evening.

“I need something to wear.”  
  


“Oh thank god. I was hoping you weren’t planning on wearing… _that_.” He gestured at Isak, sweeping his hand up and down and wrinkling his nose. “Come on in, mon cher. Can fix your hair at the same time.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my hair,” Isak grumbled, slipping into the room and shutting the door behind him. Eskild scoffed.

“Isak, you have wonderful hair, but absolutely _no_ knowledge on how to style it properly. No matter though, that’s what your guru is for. Now, where are you going for your date?”

“I don’t know. Even wanted it to be a surprise.”

Eskild tsked, but threw open his wardrobe doors. “Inconsiderate, but I’ll give Even a pass because he’s extremely hot and has stopped you from regressing back into your grumpy phase. So, I think we need to go for a shirt in case he takes you somewhere classier than McDonald’s…”

Eskild flipped through the various shirts on the rail, the metal hooks of the hangers clicking as he went through them, occasionally pulling one out to hold up against Isak before shaking his head and putting it back. Eventually he found a deep green jumper right at the back of the wardrobe, something Eskild had forgotten he even _owned_ , and he nodded as he handed it over to Isak. The wool was soft in Isak’s hands, and despite the lack of a pattern Isak could still see little flecks of blue woven in.

“Are your black jeans clean?” Eskild asked, and Isak looked up from the jumper.

“Yeah, should be.”  
  


“Should be?”

“Well I didn’t exactly get any laundry done over the weekend, but I haven’t worn them in a while.”  
  


“Jesus. Okay, well, if they’re not then wear your grey ones. Come back here once you’re dressed and we can talk about hair and shoes.”  
  


“Shoes?”

“Yes, I’ve seen the excuse you call trainers, that’s not going to work with this.”

“Ugh, fine, okay. I’ll be back.”

“If you’re not back in fifteen minutes I’ll come to you.”  
  


“Okay okay, I’m going, sheesh.”

Isak disappeared, changing quickly into the jumper and finding the black jeans that were mercifully clean, and returned before Eskild could hunt him down. Eskild immediately attacked him with a comb and a tub of hair gel, combing through it and dodging Isak’s swatting hands. Eventually, Isak was released from Eskild’s room and allowed into the living room, sitting down on one of the sofas to pull on the shoes Eskild had lent him along with the jumper. Linn wandered through not that much later wrapped up in her duvet, stopping by the kitchen to look Isak up and down with a raised eyebrow.

“You look surprisingly good for once. What’s going on?”

“He has a hot date,” Eskild crowed, joining Isak in the living room. “Meanwhile, us poor lonely single people will be wasting away our Friday nights whilst Isak abandons us to have crazy hot sex-”

“Eskild!” Isak shouted, face flushing, and Linn just snorted.

“Speak for yourself. I for one am not a lonely single person. Just single.”

Eskild shook his head. “Say, Linn, do you fancy going out with me tonight? Relive our youth in some hip bar?”

“No,” Linn said flatly, disappearing into the kitchen briefly before disappearing back down the corridor towards her room, snacks in tow. Eskild just sighed, but before he could say anything else the doorbell rang and Isak leapt up from his seat, rushing to the door and pushing Eskild into the kitchen on the way.

“Is that him? Can I meet him?”

“No, Eskild,” Isak said firmly, grabbing his jacket and disappearing out the door. 

“Have fun! Be safe!” Eskild called out as Isak shut the door.

Isak bounded down the stairs to the door to the building, not wasting time in an attempt not to let his nerves build again on the way, but his heart still felt as if it was in his throat when he pulled open the door. Even was leaning against the door frame, bundled up in layers against the chill, but Isak didn’t think that he would have noticed any clothes he was wearing regardless, too caught up in staring at his face. 

“Hi,” Even said, smiling and leaning in to kiss Isak. Isak thought that Even probably intended this kiss to be chaste, a greeting more than anything else, but whatever cologne Even had put on smelt too good and his hair had looked too soft for Isak not to slide his hands into it, pulling Even closer and deepening the kiss. He heard Even moan softly, leaning in and pressing Isak back against the wall, and when they eventually parted Isak could see a slight flush staining Even’s cheeks.

  
“Hey,” Isak replied, slightly breathless. 

“Shit, Isak,” Even whispered, pecking Isak again. “That’s just the hello kiss?”

“Mhm. It’s been a couple of days,” Isak murmured in return. Even just shook his head, still smiling, and stepped back, slipping his hand into Isak’s.

“Well I’m certainly not complaining. But I do have plans.”

“Ah yes, your _plans_. Can I know what they are now?”

“Soon,” Even promised, trying and failing to wink and pulling Isak towards the direction of the tram stop. 

***

Ten minutes later they were stepping off and walked for a few minutes, ending up at a nondescript building that Isak had seen before.

“The date is in your apartment? You know, there are easier ways to get me into your room,” Isak teased, smirking.

“Not quite,” Even assured, and the two of them started climbing up the stairs, heading up all the floors until eventually they were at a metal door at the top of the building.

“This is it? What, you have a secret 1920s American speakeasy or something behind there?”

“No, but that would be extremely cool if there was,” Even laughed, pushing the door open and gesturing for Isak to walk through it. Isak raised his eyebrows, but stepped across the threshold. His mouth fell open.

Isak had stepped onto the roof of the building, lit up only by candle filled lanterns that Isak was pretty sure he had seen Eva show him after a trip to Ikea. Somehow, a large white sheet had been pinned to the side of the wall, right next to where the door was, and a projector was sat on top of a large stack of textbooks, some of which Isak recognised from Even’s desk. There were two mismatched beanbags placed just behind the stack, Even’s duvet draped across them, and a patio heater just behind it.

“I wanted to take you to the cinema,” Even explained, sounding slightly nervous and standing just off to the side, watching Isak take everything in, “but the listings for this evening weren’t that great and I figured you deserved something special. “I have beer, and hot chocolate, and pizzas are on the way- Mikael is keeping an eye out for the delivery guy, by the way, he’s going to text when they’re here- but, yeah. I thought we could watch Romeo and Juliet.”

“Your favourite,” Isak said, and Even nodded. “Even, this is… incredible. And very you.”

“You like it?” Even asked, and Isak walked over him, looping his arms around Even’s neck.

  
“I love it.”

Even ducked his head down, kissing Isak again, and Isak would have been quite happy to just stand there for the rest of the evening but at that moment Even’s phone buzzed, causing the two of them to pull apart. 

“Food’s here. Uh, I’ll be back in a moment, I have to grab my laptop as well, but make yourself comfy.”

“Don’t take too long, I wasn’t joking on Monday when I said you were the comfiest place.”  
  


“I’ll be five minutes,” Even promised, before ducking back through the doorway and out of sight. Isak looked around one more time, at the candles and the one duvet, before pulling out his phone to text Eskild.

_To: Eskild_

_Hey. At the date. Probably won’t be home until tomorrow. Don’t wait up._

_From: Eskild_

_Have fun 😉_

***

They hadn’t spent much longer on the rooftop after the film had ended, trading kisses that quickly grew more heated and desperate. Even had promised Isak that they didn’t need to worry about bringing anything down with them off the roof, that Mikael had apparently either been bribed or coerced into going up there after they came down and bringing back anything valuable or liable to damage from rain that hadn’t even been forecast. Isak had been too caught up in the moment to care about the details, his brain filled with too much lust to be concerned with anything more than getting Even naked. He wasn’t even entirely sure how they even got down from the rooftop, or into Even’s apartment, or into Even’s room, too focused on how Even’s lips seemed glued to his as they clawed desperately at each other’s clothing, running flat palms underneath shirts and jumpers. 

Eventually, finally, Even was pushing him down onto the bed, crawling up between his legs to hover over Isak, sucking a bruise onto Isak’s collar bone. Isak whined, bucking his hips up against Even’s, one hand pulling Even’s hair into disarray whilst the other slid further and further down Even’s spine. Even made a muffled noise against Isak’s skin, one that Isak had never heard before, and reared up to kiss Isak’s lips again.

The kiss was messy and open mouthed, too heady with lust to do much more than press their lips and slide their tongues together, panting into each other’s mouths. Isak heard Even pull open his bedside drawer with one hand, shifting things around and drop a bottle of lube and a foil wrapped condom onto the bed, before that same hand reached down to pull Isak’s leg up and wrap around his waist. Isak couldn’t focus on anything, each new sensation distracting him and pulling his mind in a million different directions as Even started pressing fingers into him, the other hand roving over his chest, his stomach, his hips, whilst Even continued to press his mouth against Isak’s in some approximation of a kiss. 

Isak felt the pressure starting to build, starting to wind him tighter until he was whimpering into Even’s mouth, asking for more, nodding his assent when Even pulled back to check if he was okay, if he wanted to continue. Even pulled back completely at that point and Isak whined again at the loss of contact, but that quickly turned into a moan when Even sank back into him fully, completely, Isak’s mouth falling open and his head tipping back into the pillow as Even started to rock his hips into him.

The pace Even set was fast from the start, an evening of heated looks and teasing kisses doing more than enough to rile them up to the point that they were at now. It wasn’t long before Isak was gasping out Even’s name, shuddering his way through his release. It would have been almost embarrassing, the short amount of time it took for Isak to orgasm, if Even hadn’t followed him moments later, hips stuttering a few more times before he collapsed onto Isak’s chest.

The two of them lay there for a moment, sweaty and messy, trying to catch their breath.

“You’re right,” Even said eventually, just as one of Isak’s hands had drifted up to card through Even’s hair. “This _is_ a comfy place.”

Isak laughed quietly, looking down at Even. “I’m usually right, but you're going to have to move soon.”

“What? Oh, sorry.” Even pulled out carefully, moving rolling over only far enough to collapse next to Isak, sharing the pillow.

“Hi,” Isak said, a soft happy smile playing on his lips. Even reached out, delicately tracing Isak’s cheekbones and jawline, trailing his fingers along and up to outline the shape of his lips.

“Hi. You okay?”

“More than okay.”

“Good. Me too.” Even leant over and kissed Isak again, soft and slow, before pulling away with groan. “I forgot about the duvet.”

“Do you think that Mikael brought it in from the roof?”

“...I really really hope so. Fuck. I better check, I’ll be right back. Did you want a drink or anything?”

“Sure.”

“Be right back.”

Even kissed him one last time before climbing out of bed, rifling through a stack of clothing piled at the bottom of his wardrobe and pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. Isak watched as he slid out of the room, before stretching out on the bed, wincing a little at the residual stickiness left over from the sex but feeling more relaxed than he had since before the winter break.

Even returned faster than Isak had expected, a glass of water and washcloth in one hand whilst his other arm was clamped around a neatly folded duvet, the material almost covering his face.

“Mikael brought it in,” he explained, dumping it at the foot of the bed and crawling back in beside Isak. Isak pushed himself up so he was propped up by the wall, taking the glass from Even whilst Even cleaned Isak up. He tried not to squirm too much when Even brushed over a more ticklish part.

It wasn’t long before they were settling back down into the bed again, Isak curling up next to Even after Even had set the glass on the bedside table next to the cloth, having drained the half that Isak had pressed into his hand. Even reached down and dragged the duvet up and over them, making sure they were both covered, whilst Isak settled into his preferred place on Even’s chest.

“Even?” Isak asked, splaying his hand over where Even’s heart was.

“Mm?” 

“Thank you for the date.”

“Thank you for letting me take you on one, baby.”

“I’ll always go on a date with you. I like you too much not to.”

“I like you too. I love you as well,” Even said quietly but surely. Isak’s hand froze and he looked up to gaze at Even, eyes ever so slightly wide.

“I love you too,” he breathed, almost reverently, and Even’s answering smile was brighter than the sun.

***

When Isak woke up the next day, he felt warm and comfortable, certain that he’d be happy to lie there for the rest of the day. He cracked his eyes open slightly, peeking through them, and saw Even stretched out beside him. Isak smiled and nestled back into Even’s side again. He felt Even kiss the top of his head clumsily, curling an arm around his waist, and Isak was glad that finally he could wake up beside Even.

Where he belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was only supposed to be a short thing, yet here we are... nearly 22k words later...
> 
> Thanks forever to eirabach and hedwigstalons for their help and support and editing skills because I have a tendency to ramble at times.

**Author's Note:**

> The college au I didn’t originally intend to write and here I am, over 7000 words later...
> 
> Thank you always to eirabach and hedwigstalons for their cheerleading and beta support and general guidance/advice/sounding board abilities.


End file.
